Finding joy through sorrow

Finding joy in sorrow!!

 

I always tried to make Kirk’s birthday a special day for him.  He would either want grilled steak or chicken, baked potato, salad, and rolls at home or we would venture out and go to his favorite restaurant Texas Roadhouse.  I would make his favorite cake, yellow with chocolate icing, or a strawberry jello poke cake with fresh strawberries and cool whip on top.  I wanted him to have a day that made him feel special.  I remember his last birthday we went to Gander Mountain and I bought him a pair of steel toe work boots because that is what he wanted, so I made sure he was treated with the gift he desired.

Kirk suddenly passed a little over a month after his birthday.  Since then, we will go out and eat at Texas Roadhouse on his birthday just the way he would want his day to go.  Last year we were able to go to an Indy Eleven soccer game.  Our daughter Emily plays travel soccer and school ball.  This year instead of watching a professional team, Emily played in a state tournament.  The girls and family on her team are so supportive and really rally around her on the tougher moments.  They won their bracket and between the win and his birthday, we found ourselves once again at Texas Roadhouse enjoying a meal in his memory.  He would have enjoyed the day.

Now comes the part that is funny and embarrassing for me to report.  We had received a couple of sky lanterns from a neighbor friend over the winter.  So his birthday evening, we decided to write a note to him on the lantern and then light it up.  We took it outside and I held onto it while Emily lit the fuel patch.  It took us a couple of times and then finally we achieved fire.  Now you are supposed to let the lantern patch burn for a minute or so until it starts tugging and then you let it go.  I have launched a couple of these so I felt pretty good about doing this on our own.  It tugged so I let it go and it started on its journey.  All of a sudden the wind caught it before it cleared the tree line.  As we stood and watched helplessly, the lantern caught on a branch and tilted to its side.  All I could see was the fire coming from the bottom of the lantern and the leaves swaying with the breeze.  As I stood terrified that my pretty tree could go up in flames at any second, I decided to throw my shoe in hopes of dislodging it.  Well my shoe went straight up in the air, nowhere near the branch or the lantern.  Emily started to get anxious and yelled, “We need to call 911!!”  As I was getting ready to have her call, another gust of wind caught the lantern and it came down toward me.  I was able to grab it, throw it to the ground, and take my shoe and beat the fire out.  As I stood up and declared victory over the fire, Emily started laughing at me and said, “Your shoe went straight up in the air.”  I looked up and we laughed ourselves silly.  Even after ten minutes we would start to giggle about it.

A day that could have been sorrowful, we found laughter and joy.  I don’t think Kirk would have been laughing even after ten minutes.  He was mister safety conscience and to witness that scene would have put him over the edge.  Everything worked out though and no one or no tree was hurt in our attempted celebration of life and love.  We wanted to celebrate the fact that God blessed us with Kirk and to celebrate the fact that we can find joy, hope and love during a detour in our journey of life.  We decided to find joy on his birthday.   How do we find this joy and peace since Kirk went Home?  We find peace and joy through our Lord Jesus Christ.  This hope and peace comes straight from Him.  I cannot give anyone peace or hope just as no one on Earth can give it to me.  I found my strength and peace in Him.  We know in this life we will have strife, tragedy, loss, and mourning.   In John 16:33 NIV we are told, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  We know our Savior has already defeated the Cross  and death.  Jesus has overcome this world and we need to trust this every second of our day.  Just trust Jesus to carry your burdens and find joy.  I know it’s hard at first, trust me I’ve been down that road.  But day by day, week by week you will find that activities and people will start to bring you joy.  At first I dealt with guilt about moving forward and trying to find joy in things that I did before Kirk died.  Just know that your husband would want you to have joy and peace and would want you to be happy once again.  I’m going to close with a scripture from Romans 15:13 NIV, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Please find hope and peace through Jesus Christ and I promise you joy will start to fill your heart once again.

 

 

 

A Little About Us

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

In an instant my life changed dramatically.  In an instant I went from being a happily married woman of 18 years with a nine year old daughter to becoming a widow and single mom.  In an instant my life fell into a chaotic tangled mess that had no bottom.  The pain was sudden, deep, and relentless.  You see, Kirk died suddenly at his mechanics shop working on our personal vehicle.  He hadn't come home that Saturday evening and Emily and I were worried so we went to check on him.  We found him but unfortunately it was too late.  Kirk was gone.  What were we going to do?  How were we going to move on?  How will I raise my daughter by myself?  But the question I kept asking God was Why?  Why did you take such a great man and daddy?  Why would you leave Emily without her daddy that adored her and she was his baby girl?  WHY?  I cried this out so many times, far too many to count.  How will we ever live on with the pain, that relentless down to your soul pain?

Once I was able to find some footing and we started seeing our counselor at our church, she pointed me toward several scriptures that she thought would help.  I also like to relate with others that have asked God the same why question.  As I searched, I came across David and Psalm 142.  David cried out to God because King Saul chased him for several years and it is said David wrote this Psalm in a cave.  Psalm 142:1-2 NIV David wrote, "I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.  I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble."  If David, whom had won God's heart as a young teenager, went through several years of running and waiting, then who was I to think I was immune to tragedy in my own life.  David went on to defeat Saul and became King.  What is even more rewarding is that God blessed David by Jesus being from his blood line.  How incredible is that?  So I decided to quit asking why and start asking, What can I do to give you all the glory in my circumstance?  The answer was to blog and to reach back to help other widows that are in the same boat as I am. 

So my question to you is what will you do?  We all have a decision on how to deal with our grief.  We can turn our back on God and try to handle it ourselves or we can lean on God and let him take our yolk.  As I was reading my One Year New Testament yesterday, I came across a story in John 6 where Jesus is with his disciples and others that had gathered with them.  As Jesus was teaching them, some of the people did not like what he was saying.  Some of the people starting complaining and grumbling.  They ended up turning away from Jesus and physically walked away from Him.  Jesus looked at  his disciples and asked them if they were going to leave him too.  Peter, my personal favorite disciple, replied, "Lord to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.  We believe and know you are the Holy One of God."  When I read that I was like, yes where else do we go? I pick with Jesus and I sure hope you do too!!!  John 14: 6-7 NIV Jesus tells us, "I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you really know me, you will know my Father as well.  From now on, you do know him and have seen him." 

This Sunday May 17th would have been Kirk's birthday.  I write this blog to honor Kirk but most importantly to honor God for all He has done for me.  Thank you Lord for blessing me with the years I had with Kirk and for blessing us with Emily.  Amen!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!! 

Isn't being a mom the hardest job we encounter?  No matter how old our children are, we never stop being a mom. It has been so rewarding and such a blessing for me.  I rejoice with Emily when she succeeds and I share her feelings of failures and disappointments.  And with her being a teenager, those emotions can hit within an hour time period.

The last couple of days I have been thinking about my mom.  I have a very special mom.  She was a stay at home mom and I love that she was able to do that for my sister and me.  She has always been there for us and for our kids.  So when she suddenly had a daughter that became a widow and a granddaughter without a daddy,  she found herself in a different role.  She was there for us every step of the way.  Emily and I never had to worry about being alone or not having help.  She wore herself out being there and making sure we were taking care of ourselves.  It's a debt that I can never repay her so I try to honor her by writing this blog.  This blog is a payback for the love, care, and compassion that she has shown us her entire life. 

My mom's favorite verse is Philippians 4:13 NIV, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  This verse is such a great building verse.  Through being a mom and a widow, I have found that only Christ gives me strength to get through each day.  This verse gives us hope that as long as we have Jesus by our side, there isn't anything we cannot do.  You will have times when you feel you are at the end of your rope, I have these moments quite a bit.  I will just whisper Jesus and everything comes into perspective. Just know you are never alone, Jesus is always there.  This verse is easy to memorize and one that will give you hope when you feel you are running on empty. 

I hope each one of you have a great Mother's Day.  I pray that you find comfort in God's word and know that He is always there.  I pray that each of us ask God for direction to parent our children without our husbands.  He knows our struggles and wants to help us with the decisions that we have to make.  Thank you Lord for blessing me with a great mom and I pray that I will be a blessing to Emily.  I pray Lord that you will comfort and heal these precious moms and widows.  Thank you for showering me with love and grace.  Without you, I would not be able to function every day.  In your precious name I pray. Amen!!!

This is dedicated to my mom Luvina Catellier.  She is an amazing mom!!  Thank you mom for everything.