Jesus Overcame!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Hi all!!

It's finally the weekend.  I had a crazy busy week as I am sure all of you have had too.  Soccer games, practices, work, training, and keeping up with the house can be stressful.  I got through it and even passed a big required test for my occupation.  It was a three and a half hour test and I had been dreading this test for about six years.  It was for the ICD-10 change over that is happening October 1st.  I only had a couple of days training and I dived in and took the test.  I was nervous and a bit afraid of failing this test.  If I failed, then I would have to take it again; and you only get two tries.  I don't know about you, but I sure didn't want to take it a second time and have added stress.  But I fought through the fear, said a prayer, and faced the challenge.  Thank you Jesus for being with me and getting me through the test and leading me to succeed. 

After the test was over, I started to think about fear.  Fear can block us from reaching our full potential and keep us from realizing dreams.  Fear can separate us from success or from relationships that we lost out on.  Fear can keep us from being the best self we can be.  But worst yet, fear can keep us from realizing the life that God has mapped out for us.  Thankfully, God gave us a tool to defeat fear.  That tool is called TRUST.  Trusting Him will help you defeat your fears and realize the life you were meant to have and what He desires for us.  We are told in Isaiah 41:13, "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do not fear; I will help you."  We see that God promises us that He will help us through our fears.  In Isaiah 41:10 it says, "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

One of the things I have learned about myself since I became a widow is that as time goes by, I fear less.  Each day I decide to trust God more and as I do, fear seems to vanish.  Psalm 34:4 reads, "I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."  My mindset the last couple of years has been that one of the worst events that could happen to me, has happened and I survived by leaning into God and trusting Him to deliver me.  Once I came to this realization, fighting fear became easier.  I feel like I can overcome any obstacle because I know my Lord overcame the world.  Jesus went before me and defeated the grave.  Because of Him, I know that I can overcome anything this world can throw at me.  Jesus is the solution to our fear.  If you listen and follow Him, you can trust that His promises are true. 

Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Do you see the ongoing theme?  You will have trouble, part of that trouble is fear.  Fear of the future;  fear of the unknown; fear of being alone on this journey of grief; fear of stepping out of your comfort zone; fear of a new relationship; fear of not ever experiencing a new relationship; and this is to just name a few we all experience.  But trusting Jesus with your fears, laying these fears at the foot of the cross, surrendering your will for His, you will experience peace like never before.  I call myself a WIP, work in progress.  I am still striving to give Him my burdens every day.  I am not perfect and will never be until I am made whole on the day that I go Home.  But until then, will you join me in giving Him your fears and taking in the peace that only He can give?  His promises are true and they never change. 

Lord God, please bless the ones that are reading this blog. I pray that they are able to give you their fears and enjoy the peace you give in return.  I pray that we can submit to your will and that we can live the life that you want for us.  Thank you Lord for your promises and for your unconditional love and grace.  In your Precious Name I pray Amen!!

Regrets and Trust!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
Regrets and Trust!!

I have to agree with Elvis Presley when he sang in his song, My Way, "Regrets, I've had a few".  Isn't that so true.  Some of us have had more than a few regrets; and some of us struggle with these regrets.  Before Kirk passed away, I remember focusing on those regrets.  Regrets of lost friendships that naturally happen once you get married and life changes.  Regrets of not furthering education to obtain a job that you really wanted to do.  Or maybe it's a regret of falling into the wrong crowd and your life taking a whole different direction than what you wanted for yourself.  But I will say, once Kirk passed away, my regrets shifted toward him solely.  So many open ended issues that weren't resolved before his sudden passing.  Regretting that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye or tell him how much I loved him.  I regret not telling him that I thought he was an incredible father and an awesome husband.  I wish I would have told him every day how much he was loved and appreciated. 

I know that I am not to sit and dwell on my regrets.  I know that I must let these go and move on in my own time.  I know I am to trust God and let Him take on my burdens of these regrets.  I know that when I find myself struggling, I can lean on my Rock, our Lord Jesus Christ.  Isaiah 26:3-4 tells us, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!  Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock."  Trust our Lord to lighten your burdens and help you get past any regrets that you struggle with on a daily basis.  Matthew 11:28 Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Rest!! Doesn't that sound so incredible?  Jesus will give you rest from regret, worry, sorrow, and mourning.  Jesus goes on to say in Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

One of the most important lessons that I have learned from Kirk's sudden passing is to have no more regrets.  I try to make sure everyone knows that I love them and appreciate them before I depart.  I have left from my loved ones and remember that I didn't tell them what I feel and they need to know so I will either call or text.  I don't want any more regrets with any of my loved ones.  I want to grasp life and let others know it's okay to lean on God and trust Him with your burdens.  We all learn that life is too short and letting your loved ones know what they mean to you is a beautiful and precious gift, not only for the receiver but also for the giver. 

Lord, I pray that if anyone is reading this and is struggling with regrets in their life, I pray that they are able to lay their burdens at Jesus's feet and get the much needed rest for their souls.  Lord I pray that fear doesn't grip me and keep me from showing my true feelings to my loved ones and friends.  I pray for everyone that is reading this that they break out of their shell and embrace life and trust that our Lord has this.  Free yourself from the regrets that burden your soul and cling on to God's promises for you.  He loves you and so do I!!!  In Your Precious Name I pray..Amen!!

He Knows!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

He Knows!!

I hope everyone had a great and relaxing Labor Day weekend.  We had a pretty nice time.  We got to spend time with family and was able to relax and have fun.  Labor Day weekend is a hard weekend for us.  Kirk was a huge drag race fan so every Saturday of Labor Day weekend we would spend the entire day as a family at the NHRA Nationals.  We would take a picnic lunch and spend the day meeting drivers and Emily would get several autographs.  Kirk's Uncle Rick would go out there with us.  One year, Kirk got the opportunity he had been dreaming of for quite some time.  He actually got to work on a alcohol funny car for an entire weekend.  He got to meet some really great guys and got to live out a dream before he left us.  He was so happy and so excited to get that opportunity.  I am so thankful that he did get to do that. 

We spent this Saturday of Labor Day weekend with my sister Crystal, her husband Brian and their daughter Zoey.  They invited us to go with them to St. Joseph Michigan for the day.  We spent the day up there and ended up having to go to South Haven to get out of the rain that we didn't know about.  So we sat on the beach and then went back to St. Joes to shop.  Both towns were very nice and we really enjoyed our day.  It was almost like being at the ocean, almost!!! 

On our way out from St. Joes, we passed a church that had a sign out front that simply said, He Knows.  When I seen those words I had to smile.  It is amazing how God speaks to you, how He knows what you need to hear and finds a way every time to make sure you get His message.  Some days I wonder if God still hears my cries and my prayers and then there it is, a message that yes He does still hear my prayers and knows my pain. 

The one verse that I always look to and memorized is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  This is something that all of us have to remember, no matter what life throws at us.  Hope, if we do not have hope, then what do we have?  If we don't put our hope in Jesus, we have nothing.  I believe that my path has brought me to this point to write to encourage others that might not see the hope in their situation.  Romans 5:1-8 tells us, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the Hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, HOPE.  And HOPE does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.   But God demonstrates his own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Seeing that sign, He Knows, gave me the bump I needed to make it another day.  Because He Knows, I know that He is always with me.  He is always by my side, making my way down the path He designed especially for me.  It's not a glamorous path, it's not suppose to be.  I cannot bring glory to God if I live on a golden road.  I cannot give him all the glory and be a testimony if I have never had any struggles in my life.  No matter what, I will praise Him because I know my hope is in Jesus. PERIOD!!  Psalm 39:7, "But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you."

Lord I pray for my family and friends that are struggling with life.  I pray that they accept you in their hearts and tap into that eternal hope and love that you provide.  Life is hard, but with You, I know my future.  Lord I want everyone that I love and care for to be in Heaven so we can spend eternity together.  Lord I just want to glorify you in whatever I do while I'm here on this Earth.  In Your Precious Name Amen!!

As I was writing this, I was informed of a situation with a dear sweet sister Karen.  She passed away this morning of a long illness.  She was a writer for A Widow's Might and was one of the sweetest ladies that I have ever met.  When I decided to start writing blogs for A Widows Might, she was the one that helped me with my writing and would help me make my posts better.  We talked on the phone several times and emailed each other quite often.  She is a fellow Hoosier and lived about two hours away from me.  I got to meet her in person back in November at A Widow's Might conference at Myrtle Beach.  I remember walking in and seeing her sweet smile.  We had planned on meeting for lunch over the summer but we never got the chance.  I ask that you keep her family in your prayers for comfort and healing.  Karen is now in the arms of our beautiful Savior Jesus Christ and is now reunited with her loving husband.  Karen knows no pain, no sorrow, has no tears, just joy!!!!  Thank you Lord for putting Karen in my path.  Thank you Karen for being a wonderful writer, mentor, but mot importantly, a beautiful friend.  I will miss you and I love you with all my heart. 

This is Kirk at the last NHRA Nationals.  We had a great day and enjoyed watching all of the cars.  He loved going, and we loved sharing those memories with him!!  Love and miss you to the moon and back!! 

Heartbroken

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Heartbroken!!

I need to tell myself to quit listening and watching the news.  It seems as if the world has gone crazy.  My heart has hurt so much for several different families in the last several days.  I live close to Indianapolis which is the home of the Indianapolis 500.  We are called the racing capital of the world, and I have to agree with that statement.  We love our racing here, Indy cars, Nascar, drag racing, and our local racers.  Over the weekend, Indy car lost a great driver and advocate for dyslexia.  His name is Justin Wilson and he was also a husband and a father of two young girls.  How my heart aches for his family and all of his friends.  Unfortunately we know what they are going through right now.

Then, I hear about a policeman down in Louisiana that was gunned down by some psycho.  The officer fought as long as he could for his life, but passed away from his injuries.  I read Monday morning that he leaves behind a wife and a son that is nine years old.  I sat back and reflected on the day we lost Kirk.  Emily was only nine when Kirk left us and she is our only child.  Even though our husbands passed under different circumstances, both situations were sudden and without warning.  I felt sick for this new widow and her only son and began to pray for them.  I have family in law enforcement so whenever I hear of this happening, I always think how it could have been someone in my family. 

And then today, the senseless killing of two young journalist who were just doing their job, a job they loved and devoted their young lives. They were taken out by a disgruntled coworker during a live broadcast.  The news reported that both of them were in relationships with other coworkers.  The gentleman was engaged to be married and the lady was in a serious relationship with another anchor.  It just breaks my heart to know how their loved ones are feeling right now.  Just to know others are experiencing such deep sorrow and grieving with every ounce of their being right now is heart breaking.

We know in this world we are going to experience sadness, grief, and sorrow.  At some point, we are all going to have to face these emotions.  The decision on how you handle these emotions is huge.  We decided from day one that we were going to give our pain and sorrow to Jesus.  As humans we know we cannot handle that much pain all at once.  We memorized and live by Proverbs 3:5 NIV, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  We understood that no one in this world could answer the big WHY question.  So we had to surrender that to Jesus.  You see, Jesus has experienced every emotion that we as humans have dealt with.  Jesus even tells us that we will have troubles in this lifetime.  In John 16:33 Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Our Savior defeated the grave and through His grace, he extends peace to us even in the midst of our worst storms. 

The one thing that I am looking forward to in my Heavenly home is that there will not be any more tears or sorrow.  We will rejoice with Jesus and with our loved ones that have gone before us and have placed their faith in Jesus.  Revelations 21:4 assures us of this, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  That promise is amazing!!  It is something I am looking forward to when I go Home to my Savior Lord Jesus Christ!!

Lord, please be with the family and friends of the people that I wrote about tonight.  They are just starting their grief journey that so many of us are on already.  Lord I pray for them and for those that have started their journey. I also pray for those that have been on their journey for years.  I pray that they know you as their Personal Savior and that they lean on you for comfort, mercy, strength, and grace.  Lord thank you for loving us first before we were born.  I pray for those who do not know you as their Savior and I pray they open up their hearts and mind to you.  The well of Your mercy and grace is bottomless and is full of love, joy, and comfort.  In Your Precious Name I pray, AMEN!!

Fighting Fear!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Fighting Fear!!


Fear can paralyze the strongest of men.  Fear can stop us in our tracks and keep us from living out the life that God wants us to enjoy.  We can have fear in several different areas of our lives that we once felt safe and comfortable.  When I became a widow, I feared having to raise my daughter by myself.  I feared having to make big financial decisions without Kirk sitting by my side going over all the pros and cons of our decision making.  I have begun to fear a life of being alone after Emily goes to college in a short five years.  Fear of spending nights alone when all my friends and family are out spending time together.  I can go on and on about all the fears we encounter in this season of widowhood. 

Fear can freeze you in time and not allow you to move on with your life.  It can rob you of a life that God wants you to live, the life you deserve to have.  It's so easy to wave your white flag and take on a cloak of defeat.  But sisters, this is not the life that Jesus desires for all of us.  It's easy to feel like life is over and there is nothing left.  But there is so much more, I am allowing myself to figure this out and it has taken me four years.  What I had to realize and what you need to realize is that Jesus is fighting for us and with us.  He wants us to conquer our fear and look to Him for strength and trust.  In Romans 8:31-32 NIV it tells us,

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

See, God is on our side.  With Him on our side, no one can be against us.  God has His children and He is fighting for us every step of the way.  He made that possible when He sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to Earth to live a righteous and sinless life.  Jesus came to die for all of us, to ransom us from this sinful world.  John 3:16 states, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." 

Do you know Jesus as your personal savior?  If not, I hope you will pray and think about making this most important decision for yourself.  It's the best decision and best gift you will EVER receive.  To know that the day that I'm called home I will be face to face with Jesus is so comforting. Just trusting that Jesus is patiently waiting for me and will greet me with arms wide open melts all fear away. 

Lord I pray that those that have not put their trust and faith in you will do so without hesitation.  Just having the peace and comfort that comes with having you on my side is priceless.  Lord I love you with all my heart and soul and I pray for all of us that need comfort and hope.  It doesn't happen overnight Lord, but it does come with love, trust, faith and patience.  When I start to feel fearful for the future or for events that happen in my life, I lean on you Lord to melt the fear away.  Thank you Lord for all that you have given me, but the biggest gift of all is your Son.  Lord I pray in your Precious Name. Amen

Overwhelmed

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Overwhelmed!!

Have you ever felt this way before?  Everyone at one point in their lives have been overwhelmed.  You might feel overwhelmed by joy, overwhelmed by tasks, overwhelmed by job responsibilities, by home projects, or grieving for a loved one.  I can say that I have experienced each one of these at one point of my life.  Some more than I would like.  It's okay to feel this way, it's human nature. It's just not a state of mind you want to stay in for very long.

The last month or so, I have  been feeling overwhelmed by house projects.  I had concentrated so much on the inside of my house that I forgot that the outside needed up keep.  With all the rain we have been experiencing, I have had some flooding issues with my garage.  I have some issues that need to dealt with that makes me feel overwhelmed and makes me really miss Kirk more.  Thank the Lord that my dad and uncles have equipment and the knowledge to be able to help me but these projects will take time to complete.  So I sit and wait and try to learn more patience. 

There are times that missing Kirk overwhelms me.  I have noticed that these feelings have started to flare up when I hear of other families that are now experiencing the heartache of losing a spouse and children losing a parent.  We know of two families through friends that have recently lost their wives and the children lost a mom.  One family the loss was sudden, another the lady passed away from a brain tumor she didn't know she had until she suddenly got very sick and ended up in a coma.  Personally knowing about these families and knowing the members seems to really take me back to the first couple of days of our journey.  Those days when you run on adrenaline and just try and make sure you breathe; knowing personally the gut wrenching pain and the cries of why.  Sometimes those feelings can overwhelm you and take your breath away.  Knowing other families, other spouses, other children are having to travel the path of grief saddens and breaks my heart.  In this fallen world, we all have to experience grief.

Being overwhelmed is part of being human.  I am so thankful that I have a Savior who can take that feeling from me.  When I start feeling like life is running away with me and I feel like I am drowning in my problems and issues, I cry out to the Lord and ask Him to help me.  I know and trust He will be there right with me and will make sure I get through this time of my journey.  "As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.  He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me." Psalms 55:16-18.  God does hear us when we cry out and He wants all of His children to be comforted.  We all have an enemy and he wants us to feel overwhelmed and to feel hopeless.  "Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9. 

We are never promised a stress free, easy life.  And if you are reading this, chances are you have encountered loss and tremendous grief.  Keep your faith, trust God to bring you through this period of your life.  Don't let Satan get the best of you and give in to your feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless.  Help is here, His name is Jesus and He died for all His children.  You just have to believe and confess with your lips and believe in your heart.  You will not feel immediate relief, but there is light in the morning.  You will know that the Savior of this world is in your corner and you can go into any battle armed with His word, grace, and mercy!!!

Lord thank you for loving me, for loving all of your children.  Thank you for always being there for us when we cry out to you.  Lord I know love began over 2000 years ago when you came to earth as a precious baby and 33 years later you took nails and ransomed me.  Your blood has saved us all Lord. Thank you for that most precious unconditional love.  In your Precious Name I pray, Amen!!

Emily's Birthday

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
Fourteen years ago tonight, Kirk and I were on the eve of being first time parents.  I was scheduled for a C-section that next morning so we decided to go out and get one more dinner before we became first time parents.  Since I had to eat by a certain time, we went to a restaurant called Perkins.  I had a big plate of French toast and a big glass of chocolate milk.  It was so good.  We really enjoyed our meal.

The following morning we went to the hospital as an anxious couple wondering what we got ourselves into, and three days later we left with the most beautiful and precious daughter.  We were so happy.  One our way home, Kirk picked up my hand and kissed it and thanked me for our baby girl.  God had truly blessed us with a healthy and pretty girl.  We were on top of the world. 

Kirk and Emily had a very close relationship and she was his world.  Right before she turned nine,, Kirk suddenly passed of an accident in his mechanic's shop.  Three weeks later she turned 10.  Kirk was always there for her birthday and always got a kick being with her.  He always called her his baby girl.  Now I am left to celebrate her day with her and to remember how much Kirk loved her and how excited he was to be her daddy.

God truly blessed the three of us.  We had each other and God blessed us with our love and relationship the three of us shared.  Emily and I will be sharing her 14th birthday together tomorrow.  Even though Kirk isn't with us to celebrate, we know how much he loved us and how special Emily was to him.  I feel Emily is a very lucky girl to have had a dad that loved her with all of his heart for nine years.  A lot of children never get to experience the love of a dad.  So we will celebrate together with Kirk on our hearts and mind, and will thank God in our storm for the blessing of having Kirk with us.  I know our Father is also celebrating Emily as well.  I know He blessed us as a family for giving us each other. 

Lord thank you so much for blessing us with each other and for blessing us with your Son Jesus.  Through Him, we know one day we will be reunited with Kirk and the rest of our loved ones.  Thank you Lord for giving us the blessing of our Emily.  You made our family complete and with You at the center, there is no storm, no weapon, no person that can stand between you and us!!  In your Precious Name we pray, Amen!!

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful daughter!!!!  Your loving and caring spirit for others is astounding and your love for our Lord is incredible.  I love you and am so proud of your accomplishments when sometimes the deck is stacked against you.  Just keep your eyes focused on Jesus and your heart open to Him at all times and you will succeed through our Lord. I love you so very much!!!  Happy Birthday!!!