Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation:  Psalm 13:5 NIV

I had the privilege back in November to attend a Christian widow's conference given by a ministry named A Widow's Might.  I got to meet so many strong and amazing women that are on the same journey as me.  The team of writers for this ministry are incredible and they love Jesus.  I fell in love with their writing and this group of women "get it".  If you have not checked out their website and Facebook page, please do so as soon as possible.  Their postings will really speak to your heart and soul.  Their love for Jesus and for other widows is amazing.

I decided to go to this conference because I wanted to meet other Christian widows and to prove to myself that I can step out of my comfort zone to travel and stay by myself for a weekend.  I signed up for this conference back in June and had to wait until November to leave, so as you can see I had a lot of time to think about my trip.  I love to travel but once the date arrives, I start to get nervous.  On the Friday morning of my departure, I did get nervous.  My dad drove me to the airport and dropped me off at my airline.  I got through check in and decided to treat myself to an ice tea.  As I sat there enjoying my drink, I started thinking of ways to bolt out of there and go back home.  I took a couple of deep breaths and said a couple of prayers and was able to calm myself down.  I started thinking how much trust we put into others in our lives.  That weekend I had to trust:

The airline to get me to Point A to Point B safely.

My parents and family to take care of my beautiful daughter Emily.

Sixty to seventy women that I had never met.

Myself to take full advantage of what this weekend had to offer.

Jesus to open my heart and mind and let His Word speak to me in new ways.

I also had to trust that Jesus was sending me out there for a purpose far bigger than myself.  So I got up from that table and made my way through security.  I finally arrived at my gate and found a place to sit down.  The waiting area was getting full and seats were filling up. I noticed a couple walking up and looking for a seat.  Since I had space to move down, I waved them over and told them they could sit by me.  They both thanked me and the wife sat down next to me.  Her husband put his luggage on his chair and walked away for a few minutes.  The wife had her body positioned away from me, but she turned her head enough to talk to me and she asked me if I was going anywhere fun.  For a couple of seconds I sat and thought to myself, "Do I tell her I am going to a conference or to a widow's conference".  Do I tell her the truth and bring the start of their trip down or do I use this moment for God's purpose. So I begin to tell her that I am going to a Christian widow's conference and that it's our first big conference and how excited I was about attending but not so excited about leaving home.  She whipped around and looked at me and said, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe this."  She began to tell me that her husband had just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and his prognosis wasn't very good.  She was surprising her him with a trip to Washington D.C. to tour museums and to visit with family and friends.  She told me that hadn't told very many people about his condition.  She started asking me questions about the ministry and other resources that are out there for widows.  As we sat and talked, my heart filled with despair for her because I know the journey she will be making.  I was also thanking God for setting up a meeting that we both needed.  She needed to know that there are Christian resources for widows, and I needed to know that I am doing what God wants me to do.  As they got up to board the airplane, I bent toward her and told her that I would be praying for them and that I would not forget them.  She thanked me as her eyes swelled with tears and told me she might see me on Facebook or on the website for A Widows Might.  I was blown away by this encounter.

I knew once they walked away I was following God's call by going to the conference.  My TRUST in God and His timing was confirmed at that moment.  As I sat on the plane and we were taking off, I gave my total trust to Him.  In Romans 15:13 NIV it states, "May the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit".  That trust in Him does fill you with peace.  The rest of my trip I didn't worry about anything there or back at home.  Giving everything to God freed me up to worship Him without distractions.  I was able to meet so many wonderful women and to fellowship for two days.  And did I mention we were right on the beach and my balcony faced a beautiful pier.  I was able to open my sliding glass door and let the sound of the ocean fill my room.  I walked away from that weekend with a refreshed mind and soul.  I'll tell you the truth, I didn't want to leave.  I left behind so many new sisters and a couple of very special new friends.  I have found a special group of women that "get it" and I miss them very much.

Have you put your trust into the Lord?  I trust that He will deliver me without fail.  I trust that He has a plan for my life that is bigger than I could have ever imagined.  I trust that He will fill my life with hope, joy, peace, and love.  I trust that He will bless me and my daughter beyond what we deserve.  If I don't trust Him completely, then I feel like I don't have any hope for the future that I envision.  I pray that each of you reading this will put your total trust in God and tell Him,  Lord Your will, Your way!! 

Lord I pray that each day I am willing and able to put my total trust in you and your plan for my life.  Thank you for putting the right people in my life at the right time and I pray that they put their trust in you also.  The freedom of surrendering my life to you is immeasurable.  I know Lord that you will not steer me wrong and that the only path to follow is the path you have laid out before me.  Lord thank you for my salvation and I pray that my family and friends that have not put their faith and trust in you will do so very soon, maybe tonight!!!  In Jesus precious name I pray, Amen!!

Self Pity Pit

Sisterhood Of Widows  S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Good Monday evening!!

It's a start of a new week.  We made it through a busy weekend and now Monday evening is winding down.  How was your weekend?  I am praying that it was a relaxing one and that you were all able to enjoy time with family and friends and maybe enjoy some Christmas activities.  I know this time of year is difficult.  I have a thirteen year old daughter that loves Christmas so I try to keep our traditions going plus we have added a couple of new ones since Kirk has passed.  I know all too well how difficult it is to press on. 

I think one of the most difficult times for me is when I am out shopping by myself.  Kirk and I would take an evening or maybe two and eat dinner out and then do some shopping for Emily.  I treasure these memories because we would have a good time and he always came up with great gift ideas for her.  One of the stores we would always go to was Barnes and Noble.  Emily is an intelligent girl and she loves books.  Kirk would walk into Barnes and Noble and was able to pick out books for her and every year she loved them.  She treasures those books now.  Kirk's main focus for her was her schooling.  He always told her she would go to college and have a great career at whatever she chooses to do with her life.  So as she treasures her books, I treasure my memories of our shopping trips.  Now that Kirk is gone to his Heavenly home, I am left to shop by myself. 

I have caught myself envying couples that I see out shopping together.  I find myself longing to have that again.  And after a while, self pity starts to creep into my mind.  I start to pity myself for being alone and for having to be out by myself when I didn't choose this new path.  Self pity is human nature and we all do it from time to time.  I can tell you that self pity is straight from our enemy.  He wants us to feel that pity down to our core so we will then start to doubt our faith and trust in Jesus.  One of the daily devotionals that I read is from Sarah Young and she wrote a book called "Jesus Calling".  If you have not purchased this devotional, I encourage you to do so.  On self pity she writes, "Be on guard against the pit of self-pity.  When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face."  I believe that statement.  That pit has a slippery edge and when you get to close, you WILL lose footing and tumble in head first.  Once you are in there, it's hard to climb out.  When you find yourself in that pit, you must cry out to the Lord for help.  He will deliver you from that dark, evil trap.

In Psalm 40:1-3 NIV, we find David praising God for his deliverance from his pit of despair.  It reads, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."  God will do for you as he did for David.  When you find yourself in that pit, don't let it devour you.  Don't let the enemy enjoy seeing you down there in the mud and mire, doubting God and His plans for you.  In Jeremiah 29:11 NIV it says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  If you memorize any Bible verse, memorize this one!!!  This is God's promise to all of us, even those of us in that pit.  Just cry out to God, ask him to rescue you from that pit and I promise you He will hear you and He will deliver you and make you new!! 

Lord, please hear our cries when we are down in our self-pity pits.  I pray that when we are down there, we find the strength and courage to call out to you.  Lord I know You are ALWAYS with us and You love us!! I know we were not created to live a life down in the dark hole in the mud and mire.  We were created to fellowship with You and live in Your light and love.  Lord thank you for hearing us and saving us from the enemy.  Thank you for our Savior Jesus Christ and for loving us when we are not lovable!! In Jesus's precious name I pray Amen!!

End of week quick thought!!

Sisterhood Of Widows  S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Hello!!

Well as I am writing this entry it is almost Friday!!  I can't believe how fast this week passed.  I am thankful that we all made it through together and another weekend is near.  I wanted to end my first full week of my blog sharing praise and promises from Psalm 145.  I am a big fan of the Psalms because we read about so many emotions in this book.  King David wrote just about all of the Psalms and he takes us on an emotional roller coaster ride. 

Psalm 145 has 21 verses that are full of praise to God for His love and promises to us.  Psalm 145:1 NIV says, "I will exalt you, my God the King.  I will praise your name for ever and ever."  We go on and read in Psalm 145:8, "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love."  And then in 145:13 David talks about God's promises, "Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.  The Lord is trustworthy in all his promises and faithful in all He does."  And then David ends Psalm 145 just as he began it, verse 21 states, "My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.  Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever." 

Why did I give you all of these verses for the end of the week?  I wanted to uplift you before the weekend and just show you that God loves each one of us.  He is gracious, compassionate, trustworthy, and loves us so deeply we cannot fathom the extent.  Whatever you are feeling or going through  at the end of this week, please remember that God loves you and is ALWAYS with you.  Please take this into the weekend and just PRAISE God in whatever your situation.  If you get time, read all of Psalm 145.  You will see God's character through this Psalm and rest in knowledge of His love for you!!

Lord, I just pray that you will be all of us as we enter into another weekend.  With the holidays approaching, we are all busy with preparations but I pray that we don't forget the reason why we are celebrating.  I pray Lord that you watch over us and bless us as we praise You.  Lord thank you for always being there for us and for your Precious Son.  Thank you for our salvation and for your promises of a better time ahead.  We praise you Lord for ever and ever! In Jesus Precious Name I pray Amen!!

Sisterhood Of Widows  S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Good Evening!!

With December already almost half way through, I realized that on December 25 it will be the three and a half year mark of Kirk's passing.  As I sat and let this sink in, I thought about how slow the first year felt.  Of course, you have the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and the first year mark.  I think the hardest day for me that first year was New Year's Day.  I felt like I was leaving Kirk behind in 2011 and the rest of us moved on to a new year.  It just didn't seem right and fair that I was being forced to move ahead of him.  And to be honest I didn't want to. 

As I sat and pondered on this, the word perseverance came to mind.  Nothing will test you more than having to dig down deep and find perseverance to live the next minute, hour, day, and eventually year of your life.  In Romans 5:3-4 NIV it states, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character hope."  The suffering that we all face gives us the perseverance to continue with life. We can prove to ourselves that we can get through each day, and then we start feeling hope.  Hope helps us to see that life can be fulfilling again and one day we can start enjoying the life that God wants us to have.  In Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV we are told, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning the shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  You see, Jesus knew his destiny.  Jesus knew that He was headed for the cross to endure pain, persecution, and to bear all of mankind's sins.  Yet, He persevered and lived everyday to save all of us. Jesus continued His ministry knowing that the Cross was in His future. But, Jesus knew the reward for His perseverance.  He knew  His final destination; sitting at the right hand of God.  Is Heaven your final destination? Will you let your reward for perseverance be meeting Jesus face to face at the end of your race?

I pray that all of you reading this has accepted Jesus as your personal Savior.  If you are unsure or want someone to pray with you to accept him, please feel free to private message me, text me, or just call me.  The greatest gift you can ever receive is eternal salvation and the best part is that it's free.  Jesus already paid the price, and by grace you can be saved just by asking. 

Lord, I pray that we find the perseverance within ourselves to run this race of life.  It can be so hard some days to just breathe; but with your help, grace, and guidance we can get through each day.  I pray that those days turn into hope and hope makes life a little easier to bear.  Thank you for giving us Your Son Jesus and for our eternal salvation so that we know that no matter what happens here in this fallen world, we have the hope and promise of Heaven and to see our loved ones that have gone before us.  In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!!!!

Bless each one of you!!

Good Evening!!

I can't express how excited I am to start my own blog.  I have been wanting to do this for a long time and have put a lot of thought into this.  I don't want it to be stiff or boring, I want it to be inspiring and educational.  But the most important attribute that I want my blogs to have is my love for Jesus.  He is the reason that I am still on this earth and writing this.  He is the reason why I can get up every morning and function as well as I do every day.  If left up to me, I would never get out of bed and face each day without this man in the above picture. 

His name is Kirk.  I met him at the tender age of 19.  He had very long hair and played guitar in a metal band.  The year was 1987 and metal was all the rage!!  I was working at a convenience store a mile from my house when he came into the store after moving into the neighborhood.  It took us about 4 months but we finally started dating in January of 1988.  We dated off and on and finally married in June of 1993.  Eight years later we had our beautiful daughter Emily.  We were a happy family, of course we had our ups and downs as every family does.  On June 25. 2011 Kirk was called Home.  It was a sudden death and we have been on our journey of grief since that day.  It's been hard at times, we have had a lot of bad days, but we have also had a lot of good days.  Every journey is different, as individual as each human. But we learn to live with the grief, it never goes away.  Some days it's a gnawing reminder that likes to eat at you, other days it's full of good and fun memories of our loved ones.  Each of our journeys are just that, our own journey.  Right from the start, I choose to lean on Jesus and to seek counseling for myself and my daughter from our church.  We started our sessions a little over a week after Kirk's death and I am so blessed to have made that decision.  God pointed us to our church Emmanuel for help and blessed us with our counselor Debbie.  She is a godly woman that loves, cares, and understands broken lives and hearts. 

I wanted to start this blog along with a Facebook page and a group to try and help other widows with their journeys.  I struggled to find a name for my group and this morning I came up with Sisterhood Of Widows, aka, S.O.W.  The Bible verse that I am using to support my group is Psalm 126:5-6 N.I.V. "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them."  This verse is telling us that our tears of sorrow will one day be turned to joy.  God is able to turn tragedy into joy, we just have to be patient and lean on God for strength.  And that is what I want all of you to know.  God will turn our grief and tears into hope and hope will lead to joy.  God loves us and wants us to experience the joy we were created to have.  Out of our tragedies we can survive and thrive and encourage others to do the same.  With God's help, you can get through your pain and sorrow.  In Revelation 21:4 NIV we are told "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  Wow can you imagine being in Heaven and not ever shedding a tear ever again?  How incredible will that be?  There have been times that I just don't know how I can produce any more water from my eyes, but it happens.  I cannot wait for the day when I don't worry or have to think about any of my loved ones passing away.  We will never get a dreaded phone call about a death.  Jesus died on a cross after being brutally whipped, scorned, and nailed to wood to free all of mankind from sin and spiritual death.  Jesus rose after three days and HE LIVES!!!  And we can too!!!  If you don't know Jesus as your personal Savior, please consider learning about Jesus and reading His story in the Bible.  Ahhh sisters it's incredible. 

I hope you find this first big post helpful and just know that there is hope and life left to be lived.  I know the void you are feeling right now.  I live with that void every day.  But Jesus can fill that void with love, hope and joy if you let Him!!!  I am so very thankful that I choose light instead of dark.  Psalm 119:105 NIV tells us "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path." 

Good night and thank you for reading!!

Angela

A New Beginning!!

This is the opening blog to my new page and new support group for any widows that are looking for hope.  I am a Christian and lean on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I will post blogs that I am hoping will help you along your grief journey and if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior, maybe my posts will help you.  Thank you for reading my post!!  I am hoping to speak healing words with guidance from the Ultimate Counselor!!