The First Supper

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

The First Supper

Tonight I made a good dinner for me and Emily.  It was one of Kirk's favorite meals that I would make from time to time.  He liked roast, potatoes, and carrots in the crock pot. I liked making it because I could put all the ingredients in the crock pot and let it cook while we were at work.  When I seen one of our local grocery stores had roast one sale I decided to make it for the first time since Kirk went Home.  It has been four years and four months since he left us.  I had been thinking about making this dinner for quite some time and I finally decided it was time.  Baby steps sisters, even after four years I am still taking them.

I remember the first time Emily and I sat down to eat dinner at home at our own kitchen table for the first time after Kirk past away.  It was a hard obstacle to jump.  I had made grilled chicken and rice and as we sat down to eat, the void of that empty chair was overwhelming.  We sat and ate in silence while staring at the empty space that had just been inhabited by him.  Just thinking that he will never sit and eat with us again filled me with great sadness.  We got through that night and have since ate many times in our remodeled kitchen with a new table.  I'm not saying that it's made it easier, but having new and fresh is never a bad idea.

As I was thinking about our first supper without Kirk, I got to thinking about the Last Supper Jesus shared with His disciples.    The night before Christ was to be crucified, He shared one last meal with His disciples.  He broke bread and drank wine and shared it with the disciples.  In Luke 22:19 NIV we read, "And he took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." And then in verse 20 we read, "In the same way, after the supper he took the cup saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."  Today as Christians, we do communion at church to remember Jesus's sacrifice on the cross.  We remember the blood He poured out for us that day to save us from eternal hell.  He shed his blood to show His love for us and to pay our debt for our sins.  With his blood, we able to enter a new covenant with God.  Jesus's blood that was shed on the cross frees us from our sins.  This sacrifice ransomed us, He bought us back from sin.  How incredible is this?  John 15:13 NIV Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

Do you know Jesus as your personal Savior?  Have you received the free gift that Jesus is handing to you, no strings attached?  We are told in Romans 10:9 NIV, "If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."  If you are not saved, please read your Bible and ask questions if you need to.  If you don't have a Bible, seek one out from a family member or friend.  You can even get on your smart phone and get an app for free called Holy Bible.  It's an incredible app that I use all the time.  Seek Jesus out, pray and cry out to Him.  I am living proof that anyone can be saved and anyone can achieve calm and peace in the middle of a terrible storm. 

Lord I pray that my family and friends that do not know you as their personal Savior will call out your precious name and accept you in their hearts.  The greatest gift ever known was given by You and His name is Jesus.  Thank you God for Jesus and for my salvation.  It is the most incredible and most important experience to ever happen to me and I hope that others will see that and want to be a part of Your kingdom.  In your precious name I pray, Amen!!

Star Light Star Bright

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.



Stars!!  I love them.  I love to look at them and am a big fan of the moon.  One of my favorite things to do in this life is to just sit and stare up at them and marvel at their splendor.  I keep up on the moon phases just so I can make sure to catch the big full moon.  How awesome is our God to give us beautiful glitter in the sky?!! 

The last couple of weeks the morning sky has been incredible.  We have had clear skies and the stars have been bright.  Now I love the stars, but do not know the actual names of the brightest ones.  There is one that is very bright and it is to the east.  Every morning I look forward to seeing it on the eastern horizon.  The other morning I decided that I am going to name this particular star Kirk.  I thought this star was very fitting for him since Kirk lit up mine and Emily's life and the lives of so many others.  Emily loved the idea and agreed it is a star worthy of Kirk's name.

But before we named this star after Kirk for our own benefit, God has already counted and named all the stars in the heavens.  God made the heavens and the earth, and in doing so He shared His creation with us.  He also shared His most precious gift with us, His one and only Son Jesus Christ.  When Jesus was born, a star directed shepherds and wise men to his place of birth in Bethlehem.  Matthew 2:10-11 NIV tells us, "When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.  On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh."  Can you imagine the stories that stars can tell.  They have been around since the beginning of time.  They directed humble and Godly men to witness the birth of our Savior. 

Sometimes I sit and wonder what Kirk is doing in Heaven.  I wonder if he can see the stars from his heavenly home.  But I take comfort in knowing that Kirk is there waiting for all of us.  I know this for a fact because I got to witness the moment he accepted Jesus into his heart.  We were getting ready to leave to meet with our pastor to talk about our wedding ceremony.  As we got into the car, Kirk asked me if we were trying to trick him into being saved.  I told him no, which I was telling the truth since it was an actual meeting to discuss our wedding.  I told Kirk that I wanted him to be saved before we were man and wife, but that I wasn't going to force him and that he would know when the time came for that most precious time.  We went on to the church and started discussing our big day and all of a sudden Kirk started asking Brother Jim questions about Jesus and about accepting Jesus.  Before I could even utter anything, Kirk accepted Jesus and was saved!!!  I was so overjoyed, we both started crying.  It is something that I hope I will never forget.  Such a beautiful moment to not only witness, but to be a part of it.  The day we were married, we both were children of God!! 

I am honored in saying that we got to enjoy 18 years of marriage.  Eighteen years sounds like a long time, but in reality it's not.  I can tell you it's not long enough.  But one thing I have learned in this journey is that God is in control; I am not.  I have to surrender my will to God and let Him take control of the direction of my life.  I have to trust that He knows what's best for me and let Him lead me where He wants me to go.  I have to trust that He will heal not only me, but my daughter Emily.  Psalm 147:3-5 NIV says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.  Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit." 

Even though God has numbered and named each beautiful star in the sky, one of them has the honor of being named Kirk in our house.  The grief does slowly ease but that doesn't mean we do not miss you each and every day.  The pain starts to subside and every day life resumes, but the hole in my heart for you will never disappear.  Until the day we are reunited in Heaven, I will look up at that star each morning and I will smile.  I choose to smile and cherish all of our memories than to be sad and dwell on the loss. I know one thing you are doing right now and that is smiling and rejoicing in heaven singing "Holy Holy Holy!! 

Lord, thank you for giving us the stars to look upon and marvel at their beauty.  Every morning I get the privilege of viewing them.  Lord I pray that others that are suffering from grief to be able to find enjoyment of just looking up and seeing your incredible creation.  I pray that when they look up, they find they can start a conversation with you and open up about their pain and grief.  Once you start to open up and talk about your grief and pain; the healing can begin.  I pray that healing can begin for ones that are calling out for Your help.  He will hear your cries and will heal your brokenness.  I know this because He  has rescued me.  I pray that you will seek His healing touch!! In His Precious Name I pray Amen!!

A Thankful Week

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

A Thankful Week!!

I hope this past week was a good one for everyone.  I actually had a great week that went by pretty quick.  With the change in healthcare regarding diagnosis codes that kept me busy, the week flew by.  On Tuesday I had a great day.  I have made a friend at the hospital that I work at and she is also a widow.  She is awesome and is so full of life.  She came by and seen me at my office and we caught up on each others lives.  She made me laugh, made me tear up, and made me feel great.  She has started dating so I got to hear about the new guy in her life.  I feel so excited for her and wish her the best in her new chapter. 

After catching up with one widow friend, I got to go to lunch and meet up with another widow friend.  She isn't a year into her new journey, but she is on the right path.  She is doing an incredible job with her sons and is doing as well as she can in her first year.  I really enjoy our lunches and sharing our struggles of suddenly being single parents.  She has been a blessing to me. It's hard to find widows my age with children still at home that live around my area.  My main goal has been to arrange a small group of women that are in the same situation as me so we can help each other and share each other's burdens and joys.  So when she came into my life almost a year ago, I was thankful for her. 

When Emily and I were going through counseling through our church, our counselor told us that part of the process is to be thankful.  At the time I thought to myself, how can I be thankful again?  How can I truthfully say out loud to Jesus or to others how thankful I am for anything?  I mean, I was thankful for Kirk because without him I wouldn't have Emily.  I was thankful for my family and friends for seeing me through a very traumatic time in my life.  But to be thankful for any situation that comes my way?  I was very skeptical.  But slowly as I filled myself with God's word, I would find it easier to experience this emotion.  One of the scriptures that we covered in counseling is found in the Book of 1 Thessalonians chapter 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  At first, I felt this was backwards logic.  As time went by, I realized this is part of processing grief. A grateful heart opens to new hope and new possibilities.  Jesus desires us to be happy and truthfully, I've never seen an unhappy grateful person. 

I encourage you to take some time to find things you are grateful for.  Maybe it's a special person or a special event that happened to you recently.  Maybe you are grateful for the family and friends you have been blessed with.  Maybe you are grateful for a beautiful sunrise or sunset or both.  Once you focus on the positives, the negatives slowly do not matter.  Look around and find things to be thankful for. 

Another reason to be thankful is for God's grace and eternal life that He gave us through His son, Jesus.  Romans 7:25 says, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord."  If you cannot find yourself being grateful for anything, just be grateful for our Lord Jesus.  Through his life, death, and resurrection we are set free from sin.  I thank Him every day, sometimes several times a day, for His sacrifice of His life so I can have eternal life and able to be reunited with Him and with Kirk and my love ones again in Heaven.  Without Jesus, I am nothing.  Everything I have, and have had, is all because of Him.  Because He died on that cross, I can live and so can you. 

I hope you can find things to be thankful for tonight and in the coming days.  Open your heart and be grateful for Jesus, be grateful for family and friends, be grateful for opening your eyes this morning.  I know it's hard to be grateful, but once you start opening your heart your eyes will open too.

Lord, Thank you for sending your One and only Son to live a perfect sinless life, to die on the cross, and rise again so we can have eternal life through You.  Thank you for blessing me with wonderful family members and incredible friends.  I am so grateful for the special widow friends that you have put in my path.  I hate that we have had to meet under the circumstances that we have, but so blessed that you put us together to help each other and to carry each others burdens.  I am grateful for every day that you wake me up, and thankful that I have a beautiful daughter to share this journey with.  I pray Lord that my family and friends can open their hearts and be grateful for their lives and especially for you!!  In Your Precious name I pray Amen!!