Happy Wedding Anniversary!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
Happy Anniversary my Beloved!!!

Do you enjoy listening to a spring/summer thunderstorm at night while you lie in bed?  If the storms aren't severe, I love to listen to the thunder and the rain hit the roof.  The sound relaxes me and helps me to fall asleep.  We had a storm move through the other evening and I started thinking about the storms that come through our lives.  Each one of us have experienced different storms personally.  There are family issues, financial problems, work situations, and death just to name a few personal storms that we encounter.  Some of us have encountered each one of these and unfortunately they have hit at the same time.  I have experienced each one of these issues, but the worst one by far is the sudden death of my husband Kirk. 

Tomorrow would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary.  It seems like yesterday we were planning our wedding day.  With help from my family and friends, we put together a day that was magical and memorable.  Our wedding wasn't big or extremely fancy, but it was an event that was "US".  We were married in 1993 so colors like fuchsia and blue were very popular.  We had candles that our bridesmaids used instead of flowers.  We were escorted from our church to our reception hall in an old model Cadillac.  Our reception was so much fun with lots of dancing and our DJ was a friend so he knew exactly what to play.  We were married on my Grandma Catellier's birthday so I made sure she had a birthday cake and we sang to her.  She shared her special day with us and gave me permission to be married on her day.  It is a day that I hope I will never forget.  I married the love of my life, got to share that day with all of our family and friends, and have memories that are even more precious than I could have ever imagined.  Sitting here reflecting on those emotions and excitement of being a newlywed couple makes me smile.  We had so much fun enjoying being married and knowing that we had each other no matter what happened. 

I miss having him in my corner.  I miss not being able to share our day with him.  I miss his laugh and his goofy personality.  I miss the way he loved me no matter what.  For better or for worse, we lived both sides of our vows.  He was a great husband, an incredible dad, and a wonderful man period.  We didn't get a chance to celebrate the last anniversary we had together.  I really regret that today.  Two weeks after our 18th anniversary, he went home to be with Jesus.  I'll never forget the day of our wedding, we had several storms roll through our area that afternoon.  Someone came up to me right after our ceremony and told me that it's good luck to have storms on your big day.  I think that person was wrong.  I do remember walking out of church and the sun was shining and the humidity had subsided.  The evening ended up being beautiful!!

As I sit back and reflect on this, I think this is how my widowhood has gone.  The day of Kirk's death, I was hit with a tornado that had no regard for anyone or anything in it's path.  The destruction it left behind was a total loss.  Nothing was left standing and no one could escape it's path.  That storm raged for a long time, some days it was relentless; some days I could see a  glimpse of sunlight. Tears would flow like a torrential down pour and I just wanted the pain to stop.  I cried out to Jesus and asked for relief.  Slowly I began to heal and the sun started to shine on me more and more.  I remembered the story of Jesus and how He calmed a storm while He and his disciples were on a boat.  "Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.  Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat.  But Jesus was sleeping.  The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Lord, save us! We're going to drown!'  He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?'  Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." Matthew 8:23-26 NIV.   Doesn't this sound like our journey?  I know it sounds like mine.  I went through a storm that came up as sudden as the storm the disciples encountered.  The waves of grief over took me and threatened to capsize me.  I cried out to Jesus and begged for help and mercy, please Lord calm these waves because I fear I will drown in my grief.  He heard my cries and has calmed the swirling storm that wants to swallow me.  I have allowed Him to have control over me, control over my grief, control over my fears, and He has calmed me.  He has gave me peace.  When I feel myself start to enter back into that storm, all I have to do is whisper His sweet name, Jesus and that storm flees.  Have you been able to experience this peace?  I hope you have been able to escape your personal storm and seek refuge in Jesus.  He has saved us by His blood, grace, and mercy. 

If you have not asked Jesus to be your personal Savior, I would ask you to examine your life and your path.  If your heart is tugging for you to accept Him, will you do so today?  We know we are not promised tomorrow.  We know personally that we can be called home at any moment.  Please ask Jesus into your heart and to forgive you of your sins.  I promise you it is the best gift you will ever receive.  It's the gift of eternal life with Jesus.

Lord I pray that you be with me as I enter into my wedding anniversary day.  It's going to be a hard day, but I know you are with me.  I know you will be with me every second.  I pray that those that are reading this and have not received your gift of eternal life, I pray that they ask you for forgiveness today.  Thank you Lord for calming my storms and never giving up on me when I felt like I could not go on a day longer.  In your Precious Name Amen!!

I love and miss you Kirk with all my heart!!!  Happy Anniversary!!!  I will see you soon!!

Finding joy through sorrow

Finding joy in sorrow!!

 

I always tried to make Kirk’s birthday a special day for him.  He would either want grilled steak or chicken, baked potato, salad, and rolls at home or we would venture out and go to his favorite restaurant Texas Roadhouse.  I would make his favorite cake, yellow with chocolate icing, or a strawberry jello poke cake with fresh strawberries and cool whip on top.  I wanted him to have a day that made him feel special.  I remember his last birthday we went to Gander Mountain and I bought him a pair of steel toe work boots because that is what he wanted, so I made sure he was treated with the gift he desired.

Kirk suddenly passed a little over a month after his birthday.  Since then, we will go out and eat at Texas Roadhouse on his birthday just the way he would want his day to go.  Last year we were able to go to an Indy Eleven soccer game.  Our daughter Emily plays travel soccer and school ball.  This year instead of watching a professional team, Emily played in a state tournament.  The girls and family on her team are so supportive and really rally around her on the tougher moments.  They won their bracket and between the win and his birthday, we found ourselves once again at Texas Roadhouse enjoying a meal in his memory.  He would have enjoyed the day.

Now comes the part that is funny and embarrassing for me to report.  We had received a couple of sky lanterns from a neighbor friend over the winter.  So his birthday evening, we decided to write a note to him on the lantern and then light it up.  We took it outside and I held onto it while Emily lit the fuel patch.  It took us a couple of times and then finally we achieved fire.  Now you are supposed to let the lantern patch burn for a minute or so until it starts tugging and then you let it go.  I have launched a couple of these so I felt pretty good about doing this on our own.  It tugged so I let it go and it started on its journey.  All of a sudden the wind caught it before it cleared the tree line.  As we stood and watched helplessly, the lantern caught on a branch and tilted to its side.  All I could see was the fire coming from the bottom of the lantern and the leaves swaying with the breeze.  As I stood terrified that my pretty tree could go up in flames at any second, I decided to throw my shoe in hopes of dislodging it.  Well my shoe went straight up in the air, nowhere near the branch or the lantern.  Emily started to get anxious and yelled, “We need to call 911!!”  As I was getting ready to have her call, another gust of wind caught the lantern and it came down toward me.  I was able to grab it, throw it to the ground, and take my shoe and beat the fire out.  As I stood up and declared victory over the fire, Emily started laughing at me and said, “Your shoe went straight up in the air.”  I looked up and we laughed ourselves silly.  Even after ten minutes we would start to giggle about it.

A day that could have been sorrowful, we found laughter and joy.  I don’t think Kirk would have been laughing even after ten minutes.  He was mister safety conscience and to witness that scene would have put him over the edge.  Everything worked out though and no one or no tree was hurt in our attempted celebration of life and love.  We wanted to celebrate the fact that God blessed us with Kirk and to celebrate the fact that we can find joy, hope and love during a detour in our journey of life.  We decided to find joy on his birthday.   How do we find this joy and peace since Kirk went Home?  We find peace and joy through our Lord Jesus Christ.  This hope and peace comes straight from Him.  I cannot give anyone peace or hope just as no one on Earth can give it to me.  I found my strength and peace in Him.  We know in this life we will have strife, tragedy, loss, and mourning.   In John 16:33 NIV we are told, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  We know our Savior has already defeated the Cross  and death.  Jesus has overcome this world and we need to trust this every second of our day.  Just trust Jesus to carry your burdens and find joy.  I know it’s hard at first, trust me I’ve been down that road.  But day by day, week by week you will find that activities and people will start to bring you joy.  At first I dealt with guilt about moving forward and trying to find joy in things that I did before Kirk died.  Just know that your husband would want you to have joy and peace and would want you to be happy once again.  I’m going to close with a scripture from Romans 15:13 NIV, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Please find hope and peace through Jesus Christ and I promise you joy will start to fill your heart once again.

 

 

 

A Little About Us

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

In an instant my life changed dramatically.  In an instant I went from being a happily married woman of 18 years with a nine year old daughter to becoming a widow and single mom.  In an instant my life fell into a chaotic tangled mess that had no bottom.  The pain was sudden, deep, and relentless.  You see, Kirk died suddenly at his mechanics shop working on our personal vehicle.  He hadn't come home that Saturday evening and Emily and I were worried so we went to check on him.  We found him but unfortunately it was too late.  Kirk was gone.  What were we going to do?  How were we going to move on?  How will I raise my daughter by myself?  But the question I kept asking God was Why?  Why did you take such a great man and daddy?  Why would you leave Emily without her daddy that adored her and she was his baby girl?  WHY?  I cried this out so many times, far too many to count.  How will we ever live on with the pain, that relentless down to your soul pain?

Once I was able to find some footing and we started seeing our counselor at our church, she pointed me toward several scriptures that she thought would help.  I also like to relate with others that have asked God the same why question.  As I searched, I came across David and Psalm 142.  David cried out to God because King Saul chased him for several years and it is said David wrote this Psalm in a cave.  Psalm 142:1-2 NIV David wrote, "I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.  I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble."  If David, whom had won God's heart as a young teenager, went through several years of running and waiting, then who was I to think I was immune to tragedy in my own life.  David went on to defeat Saul and became King.  What is even more rewarding is that God blessed David by Jesus being from his blood line.  How incredible is that?  So I decided to quit asking why and start asking, What can I do to give you all the glory in my circumstance?  The answer was to blog and to reach back to help other widows that are in the same boat as I am. 

So my question to you is what will you do?  We all have a decision on how to deal with our grief.  We can turn our back on God and try to handle it ourselves or we can lean on God and let him take our yolk.  As I was reading my One Year New Testament yesterday, I came across a story in John 6 where Jesus is with his disciples and others that had gathered with them.  As Jesus was teaching them, some of the people did not like what he was saying.  Some of the people starting complaining and grumbling.  They ended up turning away from Jesus and physically walked away from Him.  Jesus looked at  his disciples and asked them if they were going to leave him too.  Peter, my personal favorite disciple, replied, "Lord to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.  We believe and know you are the Holy One of God."  When I read that I was like, yes where else do we go? I pick with Jesus and I sure hope you do too!!!  John 14: 6-7 NIV Jesus tells us, "I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you really know me, you will know my Father as well.  From now on, you do know him and have seen him." 

This Sunday May 17th would have been Kirk's birthday.  I write this blog to honor Kirk but most importantly to honor God for all He has done for me.  Thank you Lord for blessing me with the years I had with Kirk and for blessing us with Emily.  Amen!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!! 

Isn't being a mom the hardest job we encounter?  No matter how old our children are, we never stop being a mom. It has been so rewarding and such a blessing for me.  I rejoice with Emily when she succeeds and I share her feelings of failures and disappointments.  And with her being a teenager, those emotions can hit within an hour time period.

The last couple of days I have been thinking about my mom.  I have a very special mom.  She was a stay at home mom and I love that she was able to do that for my sister and me.  She has always been there for us and for our kids.  So when she suddenly had a daughter that became a widow and a granddaughter without a daddy,  she found herself in a different role.  She was there for us every step of the way.  Emily and I never had to worry about being alone or not having help.  She wore herself out being there and making sure we were taking care of ourselves.  It's a debt that I can never repay her so I try to honor her by writing this blog.  This blog is a payback for the love, care, and compassion that she has shown us her entire life. 

My mom's favorite verse is Philippians 4:13 NIV, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  This verse is such a great building verse.  Through being a mom and a widow, I have found that only Christ gives me strength to get through each day.  This verse gives us hope that as long as we have Jesus by our side, there isn't anything we cannot do.  You will have times when you feel you are at the end of your rope, I have these moments quite a bit.  I will just whisper Jesus and everything comes into perspective. Just know you are never alone, Jesus is always there.  This verse is easy to memorize and one that will give you hope when you feel you are running on empty. 

I hope each one of you have a great Mother's Day.  I pray that you find comfort in God's word and know that He is always there.  I pray that each of us ask God for direction to parent our children without our husbands.  He knows our struggles and wants to help us with the decisions that we have to make.  Thank you Lord for blessing me with a great mom and I pray that I will be a blessing to Emily.  I pray Lord that you will comfort and heal these precious moms and widows.  Thank you for showering me with love and grace.  Without you, I would not be able to function every day.  In your precious name I pray. Amen!!!

This is dedicated to my mom Luvina Catellier.  She is an amazing mom!!  Thank you mom for everything. 

Widow

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


As a widow, do you feel alone?  Do you feel like no one understands you or they don't "get" you?  I have felt that way so many times.  It is so hard to make it through each day, and in the beginning you might find it hard to get through each minute.  I have been there too.  I don't know what each of your circumstances are or how you became a widow, but bottom line is that we ended up in the same place...WIDOW!!

My moment was sudden.  I left my house on a Saturday evening to drive up to my husband's shop to check on him, twenty minutes later I found out I was not only a widow but a single mom of a beautiful daughter. Kirk died suddenly in his mechanics shop working on our personal vehicle.  I will never forget that moment.  As I am sure you will never forget your moment.  Not only we find ourselves as widows, some of us are now single parents.  Some of us have grandchildren that do not have a grandfather now.  When the funeral or memorial service is over and everyone goes back to their normal lives, we may feel forgot about or feel very alone.  But please take notice that we are not alone.  Our Lord Jesus Christ is always with you and me.  He has not left your side for one single second.  He is right there wanting to hold your hand, is holding your hand and wanting you to trust Him completely.  1Timothy 5:5 NIV tells us, "The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help."  Put your trust in Him and ask Him for help.  He will never leave you or forsake you as He says in Deuteronomy 31:8, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  This is so true..it's so easy to get discouraged.  I have felt it so many times sisters.  But just ask Jesus to help you and tell Him of your discouragement and your loneliness and He will answer. 

Do some research for yourself on the Bible and read about the widows.  Read their stories of encouragement and how they dealt with their issues.  I think you will find that even though they lived so many years ago, they were faithful to God and they pursued Him and his love just as we do today.  God sees widows as His own, He loves us and wants us to have a special relationship with Him.  If you have not put your faith and trust in Him; will you today?  He is waiting to join with you and to take your hand and tell you, "I got this!!!! Let me take care of you!!"

Lord I pray for all my widow sisters and for their children.  I pray that they find comfort, healing and love in You.  You are the One that can heal our hurting and busted hearts.  I pray for those that have not put their faith in you.  It's the best gift we can and will ever receive.  I pray for healing, peace, comfort, and hope for everyone that has lost those near and dear.  You are our only hope!!  I pray in Your precious name..Amen!!

EASTER!!!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Happy Easter everyone!!

We just got back and settled in after our Easter church service.  What an incredible Easter service.  Our church always makes sure we have great services and new visitors are welcome.  We had one of the biggest crowds that I have seen on a Saturday night Easter service.  God is Good!!!

Easter has always been to me a roller coaster of emotions.  Good Friday we reflect upon the crucifixion of Jesus.  Just thinking about the pain He went through for us makes me cringe.  And for me to realize that He knew what was about to happen and He still went through with the plan is amazing.  He knew the pain, blood, torment, mockery that was about to happen and He still went through with it for US!!  That is how much he loves us.  He prayed in the garden before He is led away, "Father if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42 NIV.  Jesus knew God's will and He knew the only way to reconcile us to God was through His sacrifice.  Jesus took the nails for us, and with His blood we are set free if we are willing to accept this in our hearts. 

For me, it's sad to think about His death and how He had to die for us.  But then that third day, wow what a joyful day!!  His resurrection allows us to be free of the grave.  To know that when I die, because of Jesus, I too will be resurrected and get to meet Him in heaven.  Jesus made a way for us to have an eternal life in our heavenly home.  His sacrifice makes it possible for me to get to see Jesus and all of my loved ones that moved on before me.  Because of Jesus, I will be reunited with Kirk.  Kirk's death isn't the end of our relationship, one day we will be able to be together for all eternity.  I know right now it's lonely without Kirk and I hate that he is gone.  The pit of sadness is so painful and hard to describe to people that have not experienced it, but I know that one day all of that pain will be gone and we will rejoice together.  That hope keeps me going.  Jesus keeps me going by His love, light and resurrection.  "They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them.  In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, he is risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee?" Luke 24:2-6    HE IS RISEN!!!!  Three of the most beautiful words in history!!! 

We can rejoice today because Jesus overcame the grave and rose again!!!  Spread the words  HE IS RISEN!!!  He died for our sins and then rose again to pave our way to heaven.  Because of Jesus, I am not only alive, I am thriving.  I have hope and I know that no matter what, I am loved by the creator of the all things big and small.  I can call Jesus my personal friend and redeemer.  Can you call Him your friend and redeemer?  I sure hope so.  If you feel your heart tugging at you to accept Jesus as your personal Savior, please do not hesitate to ask Him.  In Romans 10:9 NIV Paul tells us,  "If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."  It's the greatest gift you will EVER give yourself, and by living a Christ-centered life, you will glorify God and bless everyone that comes in contact with you. 

Happy Easter to all of you.  Even though we are missing our beloved husbands or other loved ones, please know that you are not alone and Jesus is always with us.  He is waiting for us to lean on Him.  He is always there, always. 

Lord Jesus, thank you for taking all that pain, mockery, and nails for me on that cross.  Thank you for loving me so much, you went ahead with God's will and set in motion my passage to heaven.  Because of you, my sins have been forgiven and now I have eternal life through you.  Your precious blood has set me free from the bondage of sin.  Lord I pray for those that have not accepted your gift.  May they find their hearts and minds open this Easter to accept you in!!!  We don't know how long we have in our earthly bodies or how long this world can live under the curse of sin, but I do know where my eternity will be lived out and Lord I am so thankful for your love, mercy and grace.  In your precious name I pray, AMEN!!

Stay in the Boat

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.




Stay in the boat!!!

My pastor said this during his sermon yesterday.  This statement made me smile for a couple of different reasons, but the biggest reason is due to one of my best Christian friends Kathy.  We use to work together and sat next to each other.  Her and I would talk about our issues and she would tell me to keep trusting God and to stay in the boat.  The irony of our saying is that we started this before Kirk's passing.  The night he passed away and on our ride home from his shop, which I only remember a few minutes of it here and there, my mom asked me if there was anyone that I wanted her to call.  I told her yes, please call Kathy.  Kathy and a couple of my closest friends showed up at my parent's house and sat with us until very late that night.  Kathy sat with Emily and stroked her hair and talked to her sweetly.  She would tell me to hang on and stay in the boat.  It is some of the best advice I could have received. 

This world is going to fail us, we are told that in the Bible.  When Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Life, their eyes were open and sin entered the world.  This is known as the great fall.  The penalty of this sin is death.  Haven't we all suffered from this pivotal point of history?  We all have experienced death, deception, and pain.  Sin does not elude any of us.  There is only one sinless man that lived and his name is Jesus. 

I cannot imagine not putting my trust in Jesus and giving into His will everyday.  I cannot imagine being on this path and not trusting Jesus to be with me.  Psalm 18:35 NIV tells us, "You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great." Without Jesus, I would not stay in the boat.  I would convert to this world and dive out on my own.  Without Jesus, I would try to tread the deep waters of grief only to find myself drowning in sorrow, self pity, and bitterness.  With Jesus, I have hope and can give praise for tomorrow.  I can look forward to a future that Jesus has designed just for me. "In you, Lord my God, I put my trust" Psalm 25:1 NIV.  If you memorize any verse, memorize this one.  It's short and definitely to the point. 

Easter is only a week and a half away.  If you haven't already, would you consider putting your trust in Him.  He is always there at our right hand waiting for us to enter into a relationship with Him.  He gives us rest, salvation and grace.  There is nothing that can keep you away from His saving grace.  He loves us, Ohhh how he loves us!!! 

Lord, thank you for loving me and staying at my right hand always.  Lord I trust that you will guide me on my path and will never leave or fail me.  This world proves time and again how we fail others and others fail us, but you NEVER fail.  You are perfect and sinless.  Lord I pray that others that haven't accepted you in their heart will do so soon.  This world has an expiration date, but you are eternal!!  I pray in Your precious name.  Amen

This is dedicated to my friend Kathy.  I love and miss you but always know I am in that boat with you!!  Thank you for your kindness, friendship, and most of all your love and prayers!!!