Happy Wedding Anniversary!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
Happy Anniversary my Beloved!!!

Do you enjoy listening to a spring/summer thunderstorm at night while you lie in bed?  If the storms aren't severe, I love to listen to the thunder and the rain hit the roof.  The sound relaxes me and helps me to fall asleep.  We had a storm move through the other evening and I started thinking about the storms that come through our lives.  Each one of us have experienced different storms personally.  There are family issues, financial problems, work situations, and death just to name a few personal storms that we encounter.  Some of us have encountered each one of these and unfortunately they have hit at the same time.  I have experienced each one of these issues, but the worst one by far is the sudden death of my husband Kirk. 

Tomorrow would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary.  It seems like yesterday we were planning our wedding day.  With help from my family and friends, we put together a day that was magical and memorable.  Our wedding wasn't big or extremely fancy, but it was an event that was "US".  We were married in 1993 so colors like fuchsia and blue were very popular.  We had candles that our bridesmaids used instead of flowers.  We were escorted from our church to our reception hall in an old model Cadillac.  Our reception was so much fun with lots of dancing and our DJ was a friend so he knew exactly what to play.  We were married on my Grandma Catellier's birthday so I made sure she had a birthday cake and we sang to her.  She shared her special day with us and gave me permission to be married on her day.  It is a day that I hope I will never forget.  I married the love of my life, got to share that day with all of our family and friends, and have memories that are even more precious than I could have ever imagined.  Sitting here reflecting on those emotions and excitement of being a newlywed couple makes me smile.  We had so much fun enjoying being married and knowing that we had each other no matter what happened. 

I miss having him in my corner.  I miss not being able to share our day with him.  I miss his laugh and his goofy personality.  I miss the way he loved me no matter what.  For better or for worse, we lived both sides of our vows.  He was a great husband, an incredible dad, and a wonderful man period.  We didn't get a chance to celebrate the last anniversary we had together.  I really regret that today.  Two weeks after our 18th anniversary, he went home to be with Jesus.  I'll never forget the day of our wedding, we had several storms roll through our area that afternoon.  Someone came up to me right after our ceremony and told me that it's good luck to have storms on your big day.  I think that person was wrong.  I do remember walking out of church and the sun was shining and the humidity had subsided.  The evening ended up being beautiful!!

As I sit back and reflect on this, I think this is how my widowhood has gone.  The day of Kirk's death, I was hit with a tornado that had no regard for anyone or anything in it's path.  The destruction it left behind was a total loss.  Nothing was left standing and no one could escape it's path.  That storm raged for a long time, some days it was relentless; some days I could see a  glimpse of sunlight. Tears would flow like a torrential down pour and I just wanted the pain to stop.  I cried out to Jesus and asked for relief.  Slowly I began to heal and the sun started to shine on me more and more.  I remembered the story of Jesus and how He calmed a storm while He and his disciples were on a boat.  "Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.  Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat.  But Jesus was sleeping.  The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Lord, save us! We're going to drown!'  He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?'  Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." Matthew 8:23-26 NIV.   Doesn't this sound like our journey?  I know it sounds like mine.  I went through a storm that came up as sudden as the storm the disciples encountered.  The waves of grief over took me and threatened to capsize me.  I cried out to Jesus and begged for help and mercy, please Lord calm these waves because I fear I will drown in my grief.  He heard my cries and has calmed the swirling storm that wants to swallow me.  I have allowed Him to have control over me, control over my grief, control over my fears, and He has calmed me.  He has gave me peace.  When I feel myself start to enter back into that storm, all I have to do is whisper His sweet name, Jesus and that storm flees.  Have you been able to experience this peace?  I hope you have been able to escape your personal storm and seek refuge in Jesus.  He has saved us by His blood, grace, and mercy. 

If you have not asked Jesus to be your personal Savior, I would ask you to examine your life and your path.  If your heart is tugging for you to accept Him, will you do so today?  We know we are not promised tomorrow.  We know personally that we can be called home at any moment.  Please ask Jesus into your heart and to forgive you of your sins.  I promise you it is the best gift you will ever receive.  It's the gift of eternal life with Jesus.

Lord I pray that you be with me as I enter into my wedding anniversary day.  It's going to be a hard day, but I know you are with me.  I know you will be with me every second.  I pray that those that are reading this and have not received your gift of eternal life, I pray that they ask you for forgiveness today.  Thank you Lord for calming my storms and never giving up on me when I felt like I could not go on a day longer.  In your Precious Name Amen!!

I love and miss you Kirk with all my heart!!!  Happy Anniversary!!!  I will see you soon!!