Fourth Year Anticipation

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Fourth Year Anticipation

Today will mark the fourth anniversary of Kirk's going to his Heavenly home.  I can't believe that it's already been four years ago that I last talked to him, seen his face, heard his laugh.  Some days it seems like it was just yesterday, but most days it seems like a lifetime. 

I know we all grieve in our own way and we all have our own timeline.  I can only talk to you about my journey and how I felt each year on June 25th.  The first year we busied ourselves with having my niece and one of Emily's friends spend the night with us and then we went to a large cat sanctuary with my mom.  We kept ourselves busy and made it through the day. I will be honest, I was still pretty numb and really just went through the motions of getting through that first year.  I wanted Emily to have fun and we had never been to a large feline rescue.  It was definitely an adventure but it was fun. 

The second year anniversary we were in sunny California.  We had spent a week of going to Disneyland, San Diego, Hollywood, and the beautiful beaches of Laguna and Dana Point.  We went to Venice Beach and Santa Monica Pier.  It was a dream vacation and I really would love to go back.  We flew back on the 25th and I can tell you when I opened my eyes that morning, I felt like I was right back on day one.  I wasn't prepared for the waves of grief that flooded me that morning.  I think it was the combination of his anniversary and leaving California.  Usually I am ready to go home after a vacation, but I can honestly say that I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to come home.  Once we flew out then I was ready to take on that second year. 

We were able to go last year on the third anniversary to a local amusement park named Kings Island.  It's only a two hour drive from our home and we went with a large family group.  We had a lot of fun and even though June 25th is a sad day, we were able to have fun and relax.  I think what helped me with this third year was that I found a couple of websites called A Widow's Might and Widows Christian Place.  Having these remarkable women write about their own experiences and share their stories and faith in Jesus has helped me tremendously. 

Now as the fourth anniversary is pressing down on me, I am praying for a day filled with thanksgiving and love.  I am hoping to remember the great times we had together and praising Jesus for the time that I had with Kirk.  I know Kirk is rejoicing in Heaven with his Savior.  Kirk isn't dreading his anniversary of going Home, he is praising Jesus with his hands lifted high singing glory, glory, glory.  Psalm 105:3 says, "Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice."  Psalm 66:2, "Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious."  Praising Jesus and going to Him with thanksgiving has helped me in the healing process and to trust the Lord with my future.  "Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song." Psalm 95:2 NIV.  I feel with this anniversary I have fully armored myself so that I can continue to heal and start to move forward.  I have started to entertain thoughts of dating one day, but my main focus is to continue to grow in Christ and to continue to raise my beautiful daughter that God blessed us with raising.

If you get a minute in your day, please whisper a little prayer for me and Emily.  This is the first year that we do not have any concrete plans.  I have started to have some work done to my house and had her room repainted so we will work on the last phase of my remodel vision.  I am making a hang out room for Emily and her friends and also am having a pergola built over my patio. We will get through today and come out on the other side ready to face our future with trust and hope in Jesus.  He will see us through today and everyday and continue to show us love, compassion, mercy, and grace. 

Lord please be with not only me and Emily, but with the rest of our family and Kirk's friends and his customers.  Kirk was a great man, incredible dad, wonderful husband, and the best tractor/trailer mechanic in Indianapolis.  Lord we miss his so much but know that you have a plan for us and you needed Kirk more than we did here on Earth.  Lord I look forward to the day that I am reunited with you and my Kirk.  I pray for continued healing for all of us that love and miss Kirk with all of our hearts.  Thank you Lord for blessing us with Kirk and letting me have him as a best friend and husband for 25 years.  He was truly a blessing from You!!!  In your precious name..Amen!!