Happy Thanksgiving!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I can't believe it's time for another Thanksgiving holiday.  I can tell you it feels like this year has flown by.  I guess it's true what they say, the older you get the faster time flies!!

Today marks four years and four months since Kirk passed away.  This will be our fifth Thanksgiving without him.  As I sit here enjoying the smell of freshly baked pies and bread, it's just another reminder of another holiday without him.  He always enjoyed my pumpkin bread and pies that I make every year.  I wish I would have told him every day how thankful I was for him.  It's too late to tell him so I have decided on this Thanksgiving Eve to tell every one that I love and care for just how much I love and appreciate them.

I am so thankful for all my family and friends that were there for me and Emily during our darkest hours.  There are no words to describe how thankful we are for your love, support, and prayers that we have received over the past four years.  There were days I didn't think I was going to make it one more second and then I would get a simple text that would say, "I love you".  It's amazing how those three simple one syllable words can fill your heart with love and encouragement.  I am so thankful and grateful for each and every one of you!! Your love, support, compassion, and most importantly your prayers mean more than you will ever know!!

I am so thankful for Emily.  She inspires me to continue on and to enjoy life to the fullest.  She inherited the best qualities of me and Kirk.  She is an amazing young lady that is so vibrant and compassionate.  I am so thankful that Kirk and I were able to experience being parents.  God truly blessed us when we sure didn't deserve it.  I am grateful for the nine years that we got to share raising a beautiful little girl.  I am thankful God blessed me with a man like Kirk and we were blessed as parents.

Most of all, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Without Jesus, I wouldn't have all the other blessings.  Without His love for me, I wouldn't be able to love so many people that have touched my life.  God blessed us with the greatest gift of all, Jesus.  In 2 Corinthians 9:15 NIV we read, "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!"  That Gift is Jesus.  I am so thankful that Jesus came down to earth as a human man and sacrificed His life for us.  There is no better blessing than the grace and love He showed us when He was nailed to that cross.  His blood covers us, covers our sins so that we can be  reconciled with our Heavenly Father when our time on Earth is complete.  If you believe that Jesus is your Savior, then death is not the end for you. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NIV tells us, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  I am so incredibly thankful for Jesus!!  Jesus is the reason I get up every morning and face another day as a widow and single mother.  Jesus is the reason I write to all of you.  I just want to spread the word about how wonderful and beautiful Jesus is to me.  Without Him, I don't know how far I would be in this journey that was unexpected and unwanted.

I know it's hard to be thankful in your darkest hours.  I have been there and know that deep heart pain.  I just ask that you take a minute and count a couple of your blessings that you are thankful for.  I promise that once you count one or two, tomorrow you might be able to add a couple more.  Day by day the counting and praising will get easier.  We find in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Lord I pray that anyone reading this and is having a hard time this holiday will just cry out to you for comfort and healing. Lord I pray that they will find someone or something to be thankful for and they will start to count their blessings.  Lord I know there are so many hurting this Thanksgiving and I pray that you cover them in Your love and grace and surround them with loving and compassionate people that will reach out and love on them.  Thank you Lord for loving and blessing me even when I don't deserve it.  In Your Precious Name..Amen!!

Incredible Group of Women

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9 NLT

A year ago, I had the privilege and pleasure to meet all of these incredible women.  We came together as strangers from all over the country, and a couple from outside of the United States.  We arrived on Friday not knowing what the weekend would bring.  We came from all backgrounds, but one thing we had in common: we are all widows.  We tearfully left on Sunday, all united as sisters in widowhood.  It was such an amazing experience and a hug blessing to me. 

One thing I have realized on this journey is that you must connect with others that are like you.  This path was not meant to walk alone.  Before I found A Widow's Might, I felt just like that, ALONE!!  Once I connected with the writers and then decided to head out to Myrtle Beach to meet women that were in the same situation as me, I felt part of a sisterhood.  I felt like I found others who got me and know exactly my thoughts and emotions.  I was so glad that I decided to attend this conference and Jesus was with us the entire time.  From the moment I decided to go until my plane touched down in Indianapolis, I felt His presence throughout this experience. 

Finding a group of people that are experiencing or have experienced your similar situation is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.  From finding one friend, or a grief group, or connecting online, there are ways to find people that will help you, and you can help in return.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." 

Have you found yourself alone and feel like there is no one that understands your circumstance?  We are not meant to tackle this journey alone. There are others that would love to listen and help you. I am available to help anyone that feels alone and just needs someone to listen. What I have found so comforting is that the Greatest Counselor is just a whisper away.  He will listen and answer your cries.  Isaiah 9:6 NIV "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."  Just call out to Jesus and let Him know and hear your heart.  He hears you and will answer you.  I asked Him a couple of days ago to send me a friend that will counsel me on a couple of issues and sure enough, He heard me. He didn't only send me one, He sent me several.  God is Good!!  He is just a whisper away!!

Lord Father, I pray that my family and friends that are hurting will just whisper Your name and have faith that You will deliver, because You will Lord.  You are the Wonderful Counselor that is always there when we cry out to You.  Lord thank you so much for all the precious sisters that I met last year and continue to communicate through social media.  They are so special Lord.  In Your Precious Name I pray.  Amen!!

The First Supper

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

The First Supper

Tonight I made a good dinner for me and Emily.  It was one of Kirk's favorite meals that I would make from time to time.  He liked roast, potatoes, and carrots in the crock pot. I liked making it because I could put all the ingredients in the crock pot and let it cook while we were at work.  When I seen one of our local grocery stores had roast one sale I decided to make it for the first time since Kirk went Home.  It has been four years and four months since he left us.  I had been thinking about making this dinner for quite some time and I finally decided it was time.  Baby steps sisters, even after four years I am still taking them.

I remember the first time Emily and I sat down to eat dinner at home at our own kitchen table for the first time after Kirk past away.  It was a hard obstacle to jump.  I had made grilled chicken and rice and as we sat down to eat, the void of that empty chair was overwhelming.  We sat and ate in silence while staring at the empty space that had just been inhabited by him.  Just thinking that he will never sit and eat with us again filled me with great sadness.  We got through that night and have since ate many times in our remodeled kitchen with a new table.  I'm not saying that it's made it easier, but having new and fresh is never a bad idea.

As I was thinking about our first supper without Kirk, I got to thinking about the Last Supper Jesus shared with His disciples.    The night before Christ was to be crucified, He shared one last meal with His disciples.  He broke bread and drank wine and shared it with the disciples.  In Luke 22:19 NIV we read, "And he took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." And then in verse 20 we read, "In the same way, after the supper he took the cup saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."  Today as Christians, we do communion at church to remember Jesus's sacrifice on the cross.  We remember the blood He poured out for us that day to save us from eternal hell.  He shed his blood to show His love for us and to pay our debt for our sins.  With his blood, we able to enter a new covenant with God.  Jesus's blood that was shed on the cross frees us from our sins.  This sacrifice ransomed us, He bought us back from sin.  How incredible is this?  John 15:13 NIV Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

Do you know Jesus as your personal Savior?  Have you received the free gift that Jesus is handing to you, no strings attached?  We are told in Romans 10:9 NIV, "If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."  If you are not saved, please read your Bible and ask questions if you need to.  If you don't have a Bible, seek one out from a family member or friend.  You can even get on your smart phone and get an app for free called Holy Bible.  It's an incredible app that I use all the time.  Seek Jesus out, pray and cry out to Him.  I am living proof that anyone can be saved and anyone can achieve calm and peace in the middle of a terrible storm. 

Lord I pray that my family and friends that do not know you as their personal Savior will call out your precious name and accept you in their hearts.  The greatest gift ever known was given by You and His name is Jesus.  Thank you God for Jesus and for my salvation.  It is the most incredible and most important experience to ever happen to me and I hope that others will see that and want to be a part of Your kingdom.  In your precious name I pray, Amen!!

Star Light Star Bright

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.



Stars!!  I love them.  I love to look at them and am a big fan of the moon.  One of my favorite things to do in this life is to just sit and stare up at them and marvel at their splendor.  I keep up on the moon phases just so I can make sure to catch the big full moon.  How awesome is our God to give us beautiful glitter in the sky?!! 

The last couple of weeks the morning sky has been incredible.  We have had clear skies and the stars have been bright.  Now I love the stars, but do not know the actual names of the brightest ones.  There is one that is very bright and it is to the east.  Every morning I look forward to seeing it on the eastern horizon.  The other morning I decided that I am going to name this particular star Kirk.  I thought this star was very fitting for him since Kirk lit up mine and Emily's life and the lives of so many others.  Emily loved the idea and agreed it is a star worthy of Kirk's name.

But before we named this star after Kirk for our own benefit, God has already counted and named all the stars in the heavens.  God made the heavens and the earth, and in doing so He shared His creation with us.  He also shared His most precious gift with us, His one and only Son Jesus Christ.  When Jesus was born, a star directed shepherds and wise men to his place of birth in Bethlehem.  Matthew 2:10-11 NIV tells us, "When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.  On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh."  Can you imagine the stories that stars can tell.  They have been around since the beginning of time.  They directed humble and Godly men to witness the birth of our Savior. 

Sometimes I sit and wonder what Kirk is doing in Heaven.  I wonder if he can see the stars from his heavenly home.  But I take comfort in knowing that Kirk is there waiting for all of us.  I know this for a fact because I got to witness the moment he accepted Jesus into his heart.  We were getting ready to leave to meet with our pastor to talk about our wedding ceremony.  As we got into the car, Kirk asked me if we were trying to trick him into being saved.  I told him no, which I was telling the truth since it was an actual meeting to discuss our wedding.  I told Kirk that I wanted him to be saved before we were man and wife, but that I wasn't going to force him and that he would know when the time came for that most precious time.  We went on to the church and started discussing our big day and all of a sudden Kirk started asking Brother Jim questions about Jesus and about accepting Jesus.  Before I could even utter anything, Kirk accepted Jesus and was saved!!!  I was so overjoyed, we both started crying.  It is something that I hope I will never forget.  Such a beautiful moment to not only witness, but to be a part of it.  The day we were married, we both were children of God!! 

I am honored in saying that we got to enjoy 18 years of marriage.  Eighteen years sounds like a long time, but in reality it's not.  I can tell you it's not long enough.  But one thing I have learned in this journey is that God is in control; I am not.  I have to surrender my will to God and let Him take control of the direction of my life.  I have to trust that He knows what's best for me and let Him lead me where He wants me to go.  I have to trust that He will heal not only me, but my daughter Emily.  Psalm 147:3-5 NIV says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.  Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit." 

Even though God has numbered and named each beautiful star in the sky, one of them has the honor of being named Kirk in our house.  The grief does slowly ease but that doesn't mean we do not miss you each and every day.  The pain starts to subside and every day life resumes, but the hole in my heart for you will never disappear.  Until the day we are reunited in Heaven, I will look up at that star each morning and I will smile.  I choose to smile and cherish all of our memories than to be sad and dwell on the loss. I know one thing you are doing right now and that is smiling and rejoicing in heaven singing "Holy Holy Holy!! 

Lord, thank you for giving us the stars to look upon and marvel at their beauty.  Every morning I get the privilege of viewing them.  Lord I pray that others that are suffering from grief to be able to find enjoyment of just looking up and seeing your incredible creation.  I pray that when they look up, they find they can start a conversation with you and open up about their pain and grief.  Once you start to open up and talk about your grief and pain; the healing can begin.  I pray that healing can begin for ones that are calling out for Your help.  He will hear your cries and will heal your brokenness.  I know this because He  has rescued me.  I pray that you will seek His healing touch!! In His Precious Name I pray Amen!!

A Thankful Week

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

A Thankful Week!!

I hope this past week was a good one for everyone.  I actually had a great week that went by pretty quick.  With the change in healthcare regarding diagnosis codes that kept me busy, the week flew by.  On Tuesday I had a great day.  I have made a friend at the hospital that I work at and she is also a widow.  She is awesome and is so full of life.  She came by and seen me at my office and we caught up on each others lives.  She made me laugh, made me tear up, and made me feel great.  She has started dating so I got to hear about the new guy in her life.  I feel so excited for her and wish her the best in her new chapter. 

After catching up with one widow friend, I got to go to lunch and meet up with another widow friend.  She isn't a year into her new journey, but she is on the right path.  She is doing an incredible job with her sons and is doing as well as she can in her first year.  I really enjoy our lunches and sharing our struggles of suddenly being single parents.  She has been a blessing to me. It's hard to find widows my age with children still at home that live around my area.  My main goal has been to arrange a small group of women that are in the same situation as me so we can help each other and share each other's burdens and joys.  So when she came into my life almost a year ago, I was thankful for her. 

When Emily and I were going through counseling through our church, our counselor told us that part of the process is to be thankful.  At the time I thought to myself, how can I be thankful again?  How can I truthfully say out loud to Jesus or to others how thankful I am for anything?  I mean, I was thankful for Kirk because without him I wouldn't have Emily.  I was thankful for my family and friends for seeing me through a very traumatic time in my life.  But to be thankful for any situation that comes my way?  I was very skeptical.  But slowly as I filled myself with God's word, I would find it easier to experience this emotion.  One of the scriptures that we covered in counseling is found in the Book of 1 Thessalonians chapter 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  At first, I felt this was backwards logic.  As time went by, I realized this is part of processing grief. A grateful heart opens to new hope and new possibilities.  Jesus desires us to be happy and truthfully, I've never seen an unhappy grateful person. 

I encourage you to take some time to find things you are grateful for.  Maybe it's a special person or a special event that happened to you recently.  Maybe you are grateful for the family and friends you have been blessed with.  Maybe you are grateful for a beautiful sunrise or sunset or both.  Once you focus on the positives, the negatives slowly do not matter.  Look around and find things to be thankful for. 

Another reason to be thankful is for God's grace and eternal life that He gave us through His son, Jesus.  Romans 7:25 says, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord."  If you cannot find yourself being grateful for anything, just be grateful for our Lord Jesus.  Through his life, death, and resurrection we are set free from sin.  I thank Him every day, sometimes several times a day, for His sacrifice of His life so I can have eternal life and able to be reunited with Him and with Kirk and my love ones again in Heaven.  Without Jesus, I am nothing.  Everything I have, and have had, is all because of Him.  Because He died on that cross, I can live and so can you. 

I hope you can find things to be thankful for tonight and in the coming days.  Open your heart and be grateful for Jesus, be grateful for family and friends, be grateful for opening your eyes this morning.  I know it's hard to be grateful, but once you start opening your heart your eyes will open too.

Lord, Thank you for sending your One and only Son to live a perfect sinless life, to die on the cross, and rise again so we can have eternal life through You.  Thank you for blessing me with wonderful family members and incredible friends.  I am so grateful for the special widow friends that you have put in my path.  I hate that we have had to meet under the circumstances that we have, but so blessed that you put us together to help each other and to carry each others burdens.  I am grateful for every day that you wake me up, and thankful that I have a beautiful daughter to share this journey with.  I pray Lord that my family and friends can open their hearts and be grateful for their lives and especially for you!!  In Your Precious name I pray Amen!!

Jesus Overcame!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Hi all!!

It's finally the weekend.  I had a crazy busy week as I am sure all of you have had too.  Soccer games, practices, work, training, and keeping up with the house can be stressful.  I got through it and even passed a big required test for my occupation.  It was a three and a half hour test and I had been dreading this test for about six years.  It was for the ICD-10 change over that is happening October 1st.  I only had a couple of days training and I dived in and took the test.  I was nervous and a bit afraid of failing this test.  If I failed, then I would have to take it again; and you only get two tries.  I don't know about you, but I sure didn't want to take it a second time and have added stress.  But I fought through the fear, said a prayer, and faced the challenge.  Thank you Jesus for being with me and getting me through the test and leading me to succeed. 

After the test was over, I started to think about fear.  Fear can block us from reaching our full potential and keep us from realizing dreams.  Fear can separate us from success or from relationships that we lost out on.  Fear can keep us from being the best self we can be.  But worst yet, fear can keep us from realizing the life that God has mapped out for us.  Thankfully, God gave us a tool to defeat fear.  That tool is called TRUST.  Trusting Him will help you defeat your fears and realize the life you were meant to have and what He desires for us.  We are told in Isaiah 41:13, "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do not fear; I will help you."  We see that God promises us that He will help us through our fears.  In Isaiah 41:10 it says, "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

One of the things I have learned about myself since I became a widow is that as time goes by, I fear less.  Each day I decide to trust God more and as I do, fear seems to vanish.  Psalm 34:4 reads, "I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."  My mindset the last couple of years has been that one of the worst events that could happen to me, has happened and I survived by leaning into God and trusting Him to deliver me.  Once I came to this realization, fighting fear became easier.  I feel like I can overcome any obstacle because I know my Lord overcame the world.  Jesus went before me and defeated the grave.  Because of Him, I know that I can overcome anything this world can throw at me.  Jesus is the solution to our fear.  If you listen and follow Him, you can trust that His promises are true. 

Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Do you see the ongoing theme?  You will have trouble, part of that trouble is fear.  Fear of the future;  fear of the unknown; fear of being alone on this journey of grief; fear of stepping out of your comfort zone; fear of a new relationship; fear of not ever experiencing a new relationship; and this is to just name a few we all experience.  But trusting Jesus with your fears, laying these fears at the foot of the cross, surrendering your will for His, you will experience peace like never before.  I call myself a WIP, work in progress.  I am still striving to give Him my burdens every day.  I am not perfect and will never be until I am made whole on the day that I go Home.  But until then, will you join me in giving Him your fears and taking in the peace that only He can give?  His promises are true and they never change. 

Lord God, please bless the ones that are reading this blog. I pray that they are able to give you their fears and enjoy the peace you give in return.  I pray that we can submit to your will and that we can live the life that you want for us.  Thank you Lord for your promises and for your unconditional love and grace.  In your Precious Name I pray Amen!!

Regrets and Trust!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
Regrets and Trust!!

I have to agree with Elvis Presley when he sang in his song, My Way, "Regrets, I've had a few".  Isn't that so true.  Some of us have had more than a few regrets; and some of us struggle with these regrets.  Before Kirk passed away, I remember focusing on those regrets.  Regrets of lost friendships that naturally happen once you get married and life changes.  Regrets of not furthering education to obtain a job that you really wanted to do.  Or maybe it's a regret of falling into the wrong crowd and your life taking a whole different direction than what you wanted for yourself.  But I will say, once Kirk passed away, my regrets shifted toward him solely.  So many open ended issues that weren't resolved before his sudden passing.  Regretting that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye or tell him how much I loved him.  I regret not telling him that I thought he was an incredible father and an awesome husband.  I wish I would have told him every day how much he was loved and appreciated. 

I know that I am not to sit and dwell on my regrets.  I know that I must let these go and move on in my own time.  I know I am to trust God and let Him take on my burdens of these regrets.  I know that when I find myself struggling, I can lean on my Rock, our Lord Jesus Christ.  Isaiah 26:3-4 tells us, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!  Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock."  Trust our Lord to lighten your burdens and help you get past any regrets that you struggle with on a daily basis.  Matthew 11:28 Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Rest!! Doesn't that sound so incredible?  Jesus will give you rest from regret, worry, sorrow, and mourning.  Jesus goes on to say in Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

One of the most important lessons that I have learned from Kirk's sudden passing is to have no more regrets.  I try to make sure everyone knows that I love them and appreciate them before I depart.  I have left from my loved ones and remember that I didn't tell them what I feel and they need to know so I will either call or text.  I don't want any more regrets with any of my loved ones.  I want to grasp life and let others know it's okay to lean on God and trust Him with your burdens.  We all learn that life is too short and letting your loved ones know what they mean to you is a beautiful and precious gift, not only for the receiver but also for the giver. 

Lord, I pray that if anyone is reading this and is struggling with regrets in their life, I pray that they are able to lay their burdens at Jesus's feet and get the much needed rest for their souls.  Lord I pray that fear doesn't grip me and keep me from showing my true feelings to my loved ones and friends.  I pray for everyone that is reading this that they break out of their shell and embrace life and trust that our Lord has this.  Free yourself from the regrets that burden your soul and cling on to God's promises for you.  He loves you and so do I!!!  In Your Precious Name I pray..Amen!!