Merry Christmas!!

Immanuel = God With Us!!!

Merry Christmas!!

What a bittersweet time of year this can be for many of us.  On one hand we want to celebrate the birthday of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and on the other hand we are missing our loved ones.  Grief can be magnified during the holidays and shadow the glow of the month of December.  I know my first Christmas and New Year was hard.  I wanted to put on my festive face and enjoy the celebrations as I always had, but it wasn't in my heart to do so.  I didn't want to disappoint my family and friends, and especially my daughter Emily.  I wanted her first holiday season to go as close to tradition as possible.  Christmas morning was so hard but together her and I went on with opening gifts and eating a good breakfast.  We went to the cemetery and took a small drag car for Kirk.  He loved drag racing.  When Christmas night finally came, I was mentally and physically exhausted. 

Is this your first Christmas without your beloved?  One piece of advice I want to give you and your family and friends; give yourself permission to grieve and to take it easy.  Don't push yourself into uncomfortable or hard situations.  Maybe this is your fifth Christmas without your loved one like me, or maybe it's your 50th year!!  Whatever year or whatever situation you are in, give yourself permission to breathe and be easy on yourself.

I am also directing this advice towards divorced or single parents.  Loneliness hits all of us in different situations.  You could be grieving for a parent or a child this Christmas season.  Many of us are missing siblings, grandparents, or aunts and uncles.  Not only do I grieve for Kirk this time of year, but also for grandparents and aunts and uncles. 

My thoughts always turn to Mary this time of year for obvious reasons.  Can you imagine giving birth to Jesus, the Savior of mankind?  Matthew 1:23 NIV says, "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel which means God with us."  God is with us always, never forget that.  We are never alone on this journey of grief.  I know you feel that way sometimes, I myself have felt like I have been dropped in the middle of the desert this past week.  I remind myself that God is with me, He is with all of us.  He never changes, we do.  He never strays from our side, we choose to ignore Him. 

Jesus is THE ultimate gift that we can ever receive.  What He offers us cannot be bought or bartered.  There is no negotiation or gray area when it comes to Jesus.  You either accept Him or not; either for or against.  Jesus became flesh to live among us.  He was born as human to ultimately sacrifice Himself as the perfect lamb on that cross for our sins.  He bought us with His blood so we can be saved and spend eternity with Him in heaven.  Romans 6:23 NIV tells us, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Will you give yourself the best gift you will ever receive?  Have you put your faith and trust in Jesus?  If not, will you think about how you want to spend your eternity?  The Bible tells us we will either spend it in heaven with Jesus or in hell where there is torment and torture.  Do you realize that for some of us this will be as close to hell as we will get here on Earth; and for some this will be as close to heaven as you will get?  Take some time and let that sink in and open a Bible and read God's word.  Start with the Book of John, most pastors will tell you to start there.  If you have not accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, give yourself the greatest gift ever and just read, learn, and ask questions. 

I will leave you a passage from Luke 1:46-50 NIV and they call it's Mary's song.  Mary didn't understand why God choose her to be the one to carry and birth Jesus, but with faith and trust in her heart she walked that path with God and wow what a journey she was blessed to walk.  I try to use that same faith and trust in my walk on this path God has me on.  Different paths but same faith and trust in Him, our Almighty.

And Mary said: My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.  From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me--holy is his name.  His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation."

Lord Jesus, thank you for coming to earth as a humble baby born in a manger.  You are God's word that walked this earth in flesh.  Your sacrifice and my acceptance assures me of an eternity with you and all of my loved ones that have gone before me.  I pray Lord that my family and friends that have not yet taken that step to accept you will consider, read, and pray about taking that most important first step.  You are the BEST GIFT I ever received and I pray others will accept your gift also.  Happy Birthday Jesus!!  In Your precious name I pray Amen!!

I will keep all of you in my prayers during this most difficult time of year.  If you have no where to go, ask around your family and friends.  They probably don't know you are alone this holiday.  If you know of anyone that will be alone, invite them along.  I am telling you that you will feel way more blessed than the person you invite. 

Merry Christmas!! 

Happy December!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Happy December!!

It's December which means for a lot of us family and friend gatherings.  December is so great with all  the lights and sounds of joy.  I have always enjoyed seeing all the pretty lights that brighten up the dark of winter.  Decorating for Christmas is great, but it's a lot of hard work.  But once we have everything done and in place, it is worth the time.  We enjoy the glow from our big pretty Christmas tree.

Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I enjoy celebrating the birth of Jesus.  Such a precious baby that started from humble beginnings in a manger.  This baby came to rescue us; He came to be our Savior.  Can you imagine today thinking about a baby being on a rescue mission?  I can only imagine what was going through Mary's mind as she looked at her precious baby boy knowing that her beautiful child came to SAVE mankind. 

Luke 2:11-12 NIV says, "Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  As the Angel was saying this to the shepherds it is written that a great company of the heavenly host appeared with this angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on Earth peace to those on whom his favor rest." Luke 2:13-14 NIV.

I, for one, am ecstatic that Jesus came to Earth to rescue us.  I am happy that 25 years ago I accepted Jesus into my heart.  The day I was saved I could not have imagined how much I would need that special moment.  I can tell you that without that moment, I don't know how far I would have walked this path that I find myself on today.  I know every day that Jesus walks beside me. I know I am not alone.  Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV says, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  If you take away one thing from this post, remember this verse.  He will never leave or forsake you. 

I am living proof.  I could not find joy every day or want to look for happiness.  Just knowing that He is in my corner every single second of the day encourages me to get up, brush myself off, look up and give thanks, and put one foot in front of the other. 

Will you join Jesus in His rescue mission?  I encourage you to at least think about it if you are not saved.  Jesus took the nails for all of us; He took that crown of thorns while pouring His love out to us.  He wants to have a relationship with YOU!!  YES YOU!!  He takes us just the way we are...broken and bruised with exposed scars of life. 

Something I want to suggest to the ones reading this that aren't widows or widowers.  If you know a widow or widower please check on them during the holiday season.  This time of year isn't joyful for some.  I can tell you that it's nice when people just drop a line to make sure we have stuff going on during this time of year.  It can mean so much to anyone that is hurting. 

Lord, thank You for Your rescue mission. Thank you for coming to us in human form and delivering us from our sins.  The greatest gift of all is Your grace that You poured out for me on Calvary.  Please bless everyone that is reading this and for all my family and friends.  I pray that those of us that have a hard time with this beautiful Christmas season can find joy.  In Your precious name I pray. Amen!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I can't believe it's time for another Thanksgiving holiday.  I can tell you it feels like this year has flown by.  I guess it's true what they say, the older you get the faster time flies!!

Today marks four years and four months since Kirk passed away.  This will be our fifth Thanksgiving without him.  As I sit here enjoying the smell of freshly baked pies and bread, it's just another reminder of another holiday without him.  He always enjoyed my pumpkin bread and pies that I make every year.  I wish I would have told him every day how thankful I was for him.  It's too late to tell him so I have decided on this Thanksgiving Eve to tell every one that I love and care for just how much I love and appreciate them.

I am so thankful for all my family and friends that were there for me and Emily during our darkest hours.  There are no words to describe how thankful we are for your love, support, and prayers that we have received over the past four years.  There were days I didn't think I was going to make it one more second and then I would get a simple text that would say, "I love you".  It's amazing how those three simple one syllable words can fill your heart with love and encouragement.  I am so thankful and grateful for each and every one of you!! Your love, support, compassion, and most importantly your prayers mean more than you will ever know!!

I am so thankful for Emily.  She inspires me to continue on and to enjoy life to the fullest.  She inherited the best qualities of me and Kirk.  She is an amazing young lady that is so vibrant and compassionate.  I am so thankful that Kirk and I were able to experience being parents.  God truly blessed us when we sure didn't deserve it.  I am grateful for the nine years that we got to share raising a beautiful little girl.  I am thankful God blessed me with a man like Kirk and we were blessed as parents.

Most of all, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Without Jesus, I wouldn't have all the other blessings.  Without His love for me, I wouldn't be able to love so many people that have touched my life.  God blessed us with the greatest gift of all, Jesus.  In 2 Corinthians 9:15 NIV we read, "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!"  That Gift is Jesus.  I am so thankful that Jesus came down to earth as a human man and sacrificed His life for us.  There is no better blessing than the grace and love He showed us when He was nailed to that cross.  His blood covers us, covers our sins so that we can be  reconciled with our Heavenly Father when our time on Earth is complete.  If you believe that Jesus is your Savior, then death is not the end for you. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NIV tells us, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  I am so incredibly thankful for Jesus!!  Jesus is the reason I get up every morning and face another day as a widow and single mother.  Jesus is the reason I write to all of you.  I just want to spread the word about how wonderful and beautiful Jesus is to me.  Without Him, I don't know how far I would be in this journey that was unexpected and unwanted.

I know it's hard to be thankful in your darkest hours.  I have been there and know that deep heart pain.  I just ask that you take a minute and count a couple of your blessings that you are thankful for.  I promise that once you count one or two, tomorrow you might be able to add a couple more.  Day by day the counting and praising will get easier.  We find in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Lord I pray that anyone reading this and is having a hard time this holiday will just cry out to you for comfort and healing. Lord I pray that they will find someone or something to be thankful for and they will start to count their blessings.  Lord I know there are so many hurting this Thanksgiving and I pray that you cover them in Your love and grace and surround them with loving and compassionate people that will reach out and love on them.  Thank you Lord for loving and blessing me even when I don't deserve it.  In Your Precious Name..Amen!!

Incredible Group of Women

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9 NLT

A year ago, I had the privilege and pleasure to meet all of these incredible women.  We came together as strangers from all over the country, and a couple from outside of the United States.  We arrived on Friday not knowing what the weekend would bring.  We came from all backgrounds, but one thing we had in common: we are all widows.  We tearfully left on Sunday, all united as sisters in widowhood.  It was such an amazing experience and a hug blessing to me. 

One thing I have realized on this journey is that you must connect with others that are like you.  This path was not meant to walk alone.  Before I found A Widow's Might, I felt just like that, ALONE!!  Once I connected with the writers and then decided to head out to Myrtle Beach to meet women that were in the same situation as me, I felt part of a sisterhood.  I felt like I found others who got me and know exactly my thoughts and emotions.  I was so glad that I decided to attend this conference and Jesus was with us the entire time.  From the moment I decided to go until my plane touched down in Indianapolis, I felt His presence throughout this experience. 

Finding a group of people that are experiencing or have experienced your similar situation is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.  From finding one friend, or a grief group, or connecting online, there are ways to find people that will help you, and you can help in return.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." 

Have you found yourself alone and feel like there is no one that understands your circumstance?  We are not meant to tackle this journey alone. There are others that would love to listen and help you. I am available to help anyone that feels alone and just needs someone to listen. What I have found so comforting is that the Greatest Counselor is just a whisper away.  He will listen and answer your cries.  Isaiah 9:6 NIV "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."  Just call out to Jesus and let Him know and hear your heart.  He hears you and will answer you.  I asked Him a couple of days ago to send me a friend that will counsel me on a couple of issues and sure enough, He heard me. He didn't only send me one, He sent me several.  God is Good!!  He is just a whisper away!!

Lord Father, I pray that my family and friends that are hurting will just whisper Your name and have faith that You will deliver, because You will Lord.  You are the Wonderful Counselor that is always there when we cry out to You.  Lord thank you so much for all the precious sisters that I met last year and continue to communicate through social media.  They are so special Lord.  In Your Precious Name I pray.  Amen!!

The First Supper

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

The First Supper

Tonight I made a good dinner for me and Emily.  It was one of Kirk's favorite meals that I would make from time to time.  He liked roast, potatoes, and carrots in the crock pot. I liked making it because I could put all the ingredients in the crock pot and let it cook while we were at work.  When I seen one of our local grocery stores had roast one sale I decided to make it for the first time since Kirk went Home.  It has been four years and four months since he left us.  I had been thinking about making this dinner for quite some time and I finally decided it was time.  Baby steps sisters, even after four years I am still taking them.

I remember the first time Emily and I sat down to eat dinner at home at our own kitchen table for the first time after Kirk past away.  It was a hard obstacle to jump.  I had made grilled chicken and rice and as we sat down to eat, the void of that empty chair was overwhelming.  We sat and ate in silence while staring at the empty space that had just been inhabited by him.  Just thinking that he will never sit and eat with us again filled me with great sadness.  We got through that night and have since ate many times in our remodeled kitchen with a new table.  I'm not saying that it's made it easier, but having new and fresh is never a bad idea.

As I was thinking about our first supper without Kirk, I got to thinking about the Last Supper Jesus shared with His disciples.    The night before Christ was to be crucified, He shared one last meal with His disciples.  He broke bread and drank wine and shared it with the disciples.  In Luke 22:19 NIV we read, "And he took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." And then in verse 20 we read, "In the same way, after the supper he took the cup saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."  Today as Christians, we do communion at church to remember Jesus's sacrifice on the cross.  We remember the blood He poured out for us that day to save us from eternal hell.  He shed his blood to show His love for us and to pay our debt for our sins.  With his blood, we able to enter a new covenant with God.  Jesus's blood that was shed on the cross frees us from our sins.  This sacrifice ransomed us, He bought us back from sin.  How incredible is this?  John 15:13 NIV Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

Do you know Jesus as your personal Savior?  Have you received the free gift that Jesus is handing to you, no strings attached?  We are told in Romans 10:9 NIV, "If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."  If you are not saved, please read your Bible and ask questions if you need to.  If you don't have a Bible, seek one out from a family member or friend.  You can even get on your smart phone and get an app for free called Holy Bible.  It's an incredible app that I use all the time.  Seek Jesus out, pray and cry out to Him.  I am living proof that anyone can be saved and anyone can achieve calm and peace in the middle of a terrible storm. 

Lord I pray that my family and friends that do not know you as their personal Savior will call out your precious name and accept you in their hearts.  The greatest gift ever known was given by You and His name is Jesus.  Thank you God for Jesus and for my salvation.  It is the most incredible and most important experience to ever happen to me and I hope that others will see that and want to be a part of Your kingdom.  In your precious name I pray, Amen!!

Star Light Star Bright

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.



Stars!!  I love them.  I love to look at them and am a big fan of the moon.  One of my favorite things to do in this life is to just sit and stare up at them and marvel at their splendor.  I keep up on the moon phases just so I can make sure to catch the big full moon.  How awesome is our God to give us beautiful glitter in the sky?!! 

The last couple of weeks the morning sky has been incredible.  We have had clear skies and the stars have been bright.  Now I love the stars, but do not know the actual names of the brightest ones.  There is one that is very bright and it is to the east.  Every morning I look forward to seeing it on the eastern horizon.  The other morning I decided that I am going to name this particular star Kirk.  I thought this star was very fitting for him since Kirk lit up mine and Emily's life and the lives of so many others.  Emily loved the idea and agreed it is a star worthy of Kirk's name.

But before we named this star after Kirk for our own benefit, God has already counted and named all the stars in the heavens.  God made the heavens and the earth, and in doing so He shared His creation with us.  He also shared His most precious gift with us, His one and only Son Jesus Christ.  When Jesus was born, a star directed shepherds and wise men to his place of birth in Bethlehem.  Matthew 2:10-11 NIV tells us, "When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.  On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh."  Can you imagine the stories that stars can tell.  They have been around since the beginning of time.  They directed humble and Godly men to witness the birth of our Savior. 

Sometimes I sit and wonder what Kirk is doing in Heaven.  I wonder if he can see the stars from his heavenly home.  But I take comfort in knowing that Kirk is there waiting for all of us.  I know this for a fact because I got to witness the moment he accepted Jesus into his heart.  We were getting ready to leave to meet with our pastor to talk about our wedding ceremony.  As we got into the car, Kirk asked me if we were trying to trick him into being saved.  I told him no, which I was telling the truth since it was an actual meeting to discuss our wedding.  I told Kirk that I wanted him to be saved before we were man and wife, but that I wasn't going to force him and that he would know when the time came for that most precious time.  We went on to the church and started discussing our big day and all of a sudden Kirk started asking Brother Jim questions about Jesus and about accepting Jesus.  Before I could even utter anything, Kirk accepted Jesus and was saved!!!  I was so overjoyed, we both started crying.  It is something that I hope I will never forget.  Such a beautiful moment to not only witness, but to be a part of it.  The day we were married, we both were children of God!! 

I am honored in saying that we got to enjoy 18 years of marriage.  Eighteen years sounds like a long time, but in reality it's not.  I can tell you it's not long enough.  But one thing I have learned in this journey is that God is in control; I am not.  I have to surrender my will to God and let Him take control of the direction of my life.  I have to trust that He knows what's best for me and let Him lead me where He wants me to go.  I have to trust that He will heal not only me, but my daughter Emily.  Psalm 147:3-5 NIV says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.  Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit." 

Even though God has numbered and named each beautiful star in the sky, one of them has the honor of being named Kirk in our house.  The grief does slowly ease but that doesn't mean we do not miss you each and every day.  The pain starts to subside and every day life resumes, but the hole in my heart for you will never disappear.  Until the day we are reunited in Heaven, I will look up at that star each morning and I will smile.  I choose to smile and cherish all of our memories than to be sad and dwell on the loss. I know one thing you are doing right now and that is smiling and rejoicing in heaven singing "Holy Holy Holy!! 

Lord, thank you for giving us the stars to look upon and marvel at their beauty.  Every morning I get the privilege of viewing them.  Lord I pray that others that are suffering from grief to be able to find enjoyment of just looking up and seeing your incredible creation.  I pray that when they look up, they find they can start a conversation with you and open up about their pain and grief.  Once you start to open up and talk about your grief and pain; the healing can begin.  I pray that healing can begin for ones that are calling out for Your help.  He will hear your cries and will heal your brokenness.  I know this because He  has rescued me.  I pray that you will seek His healing touch!! In His Precious Name I pray Amen!!

A Thankful Week

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

A Thankful Week!!

I hope this past week was a good one for everyone.  I actually had a great week that went by pretty quick.  With the change in healthcare regarding diagnosis codes that kept me busy, the week flew by.  On Tuesday I had a great day.  I have made a friend at the hospital that I work at and she is also a widow.  She is awesome and is so full of life.  She came by and seen me at my office and we caught up on each others lives.  She made me laugh, made me tear up, and made me feel great.  She has started dating so I got to hear about the new guy in her life.  I feel so excited for her and wish her the best in her new chapter. 

After catching up with one widow friend, I got to go to lunch and meet up with another widow friend.  She isn't a year into her new journey, but she is on the right path.  She is doing an incredible job with her sons and is doing as well as she can in her first year.  I really enjoy our lunches and sharing our struggles of suddenly being single parents.  She has been a blessing to me. It's hard to find widows my age with children still at home that live around my area.  My main goal has been to arrange a small group of women that are in the same situation as me so we can help each other and share each other's burdens and joys.  So when she came into my life almost a year ago, I was thankful for her. 

When Emily and I were going through counseling through our church, our counselor told us that part of the process is to be thankful.  At the time I thought to myself, how can I be thankful again?  How can I truthfully say out loud to Jesus or to others how thankful I am for anything?  I mean, I was thankful for Kirk because without him I wouldn't have Emily.  I was thankful for my family and friends for seeing me through a very traumatic time in my life.  But to be thankful for any situation that comes my way?  I was very skeptical.  But slowly as I filled myself with God's word, I would find it easier to experience this emotion.  One of the scriptures that we covered in counseling is found in the Book of 1 Thessalonians chapter 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  At first, I felt this was backwards logic.  As time went by, I realized this is part of processing grief. A grateful heart opens to new hope and new possibilities.  Jesus desires us to be happy and truthfully, I've never seen an unhappy grateful person. 

I encourage you to take some time to find things you are grateful for.  Maybe it's a special person or a special event that happened to you recently.  Maybe you are grateful for the family and friends you have been blessed with.  Maybe you are grateful for a beautiful sunrise or sunset or both.  Once you focus on the positives, the negatives slowly do not matter.  Look around and find things to be thankful for. 

Another reason to be thankful is for God's grace and eternal life that He gave us through His son, Jesus.  Romans 7:25 says, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord."  If you cannot find yourself being grateful for anything, just be grateful for our Lord Jesus.  Through his life, death, and resurrection we are set free from sin.  I thank Him every day, sometimes several times a day, for His sacrifice of His life so I can have eternal life and able to be reunited with Him and with Kirk and my love ones again in Heaven.  Without Jesus, I am nothing.  Everything I have, and have had, is all because of Him.  Because He died on that cross, I can live and so can you. 

I hope you can find things to be thankful for tonight and in the coming days.  Open your heart and be grateful for Jesus, be grateful for family and friends, be grateful for opening your eyes this morning.  I know it's hard to be grateful, but once you start opening your heart your eyes will open too.

Lord, Thank you for sending your One and only Son to live a perfect sinless life, to die on the cross, and rise again so we can have eternal life through You.  Thank you for blessing me with wonderful family members and incredible friends.  I am so grateful for the special widow friends that you have put in my path.  I hate that we have had to meet under the circumstances that we have, but so blessed that you put us together to help each other and to carry each others burdens.  I am grateful for every day that you wake me up, and thankful that I have a beautiful daughter to share this journey with.  I pray Lord that my family and friends can open their hearts and be grateful for their lives and especially for you!!  In Your Precious name I pray Amen!!