Legacy

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Hello All!!

Hope everyone is doing well and surviving this cold and snow!!  January was a breeze compared to what has been happening the last couple of weeks.  I sure hope my entry on Valentine's Day about my candy hearts didn't jinx us!  Sorry if it did!!!

Today marks three years and eight months since Kirk's passing.  I have been praying for everyone and for myself.  It's so hard to be on this journey of grief.  I know I sure wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!! 

I've been talking to a couple of my friends and thinking a lot about the legacies that we leave behind.  I feel that once your spouse dies, we are left behind to tend to their legacies.  And how we tend to their legacies also helps to define our legacies.  I feel like my life has been split into two acts.  My first act was my life up to when I met Kirk, our time dating and marrying, and then adding to our family with Emily.  Once Kirk went to his heavenly home, my first act ended and my second act began.  In my second act, I am left to tend to Kirk's legacy and determine the direction of mine.  In thinking about my direction, I feel like I have two choices.  They are as follows.

The first direction is to totally turn away from Jesus and try to do this grief journey on my own.  This would mean putting myself and my needs first, not thinking about anyone else or how they are mourning.  I can turn to other means to "numb" the pain.  This could mean alcohol, drugs, or finding my worth in another human; meaning a man.  This direction would seem, at the time, to be a shortcut to deal with the overbearing grief.  But think about this path.  Would it honor Jesus?  Would it honor your beloved husband?  Would he or Jesus give you the green light to live like this?  Would another man so soon in your life dull the pain of your husband not being the one to hug, kiss, or love you?  I have heard a couple of horror stories of widows falling off of their path and turning completely away from Jesus and start living a life that isn't pleasing to Him or to their husband.  Living it up like a "rock star" will not get you through your grief any faster. As a matter of fact, it's going to prolong your journey.

The second direction is to lean on Jesus and let Him control your journey.  Pray and talk to Him and tell Him about your pain and distress.  He is ALWAYS there for you.  God tells us in Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV, "The Lord himself goes before you; he will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." How encouraging is that for you today?  Even when you think you are alone, you are not.  I know it's so hard to face this journey head on, but the only way through this is to face it head on.  An author by the name of Robert Frost has a quote and I believe what he says.  He says, "The best way out is always through."  The legacy you can leave not only for yourself but to honor you husband is to rely on Jesus and let Him bear your pain and sorrow.  Remember that others watch how we conduct ourselves and how we handle situations.  With Jesus, He will give us strength to face each day no matter how hard it gets.  He will send people that will encourage us along our path.  If you are not getting this from your family and friends, you might want to think about giving yourself a gift and finding people who will help you.  I have a wonderful network of friends and family that look out for me and help me make some decisions that are hard to make.  When we lose a spouse, we also lose our closest confidant and co-decision maker of the house.  It's hard to make decisions for the family by ourselves.  No matter how big or small the problem or situation, take it to Jesus and then wait for Him to show you.  Now your answer might not come overnight, in a day, or maybe even a week or month, but it will come!!! 

One of my favorite verses and one I have used in the past and one that you will see time again is from the book of Jeremiah.  In Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Did you see what He tells us, A FUTURE!!!!  Surrendering yourself to Jesus and let Him control your future is the best direction you can choose.  I ask you that before you leap into your future to honestly sit back and think about how you want that future to look in ten or maybe fifteen years from now.  How will others see your legacy, but most important, how will Jesus see your legacy?  How will you honor your beloved husband in the decisions you will make?  I pray that you take the right direction and give it all to God!!!  He wants to help!!! Isaiah 58:9 says, "Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." 

Lord I ask that we continue to follow you and to make decisions that are pleasing to you.  I pray that the legacy that we leave not only pleases you but also honors our husbands.  Lord please open the hearts of those that need you and they see you as the ultimate healer and comforter!!  Thank you Lord for your continual healing of my heart and soul so that I can turn and help others that are starting their grief journey.  In Your name I pray Amen!!!

Valentine Remembrance

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you" Philippians 1:3 KJV

I love this Bible verse.  As I was designing the headstone for Kirk, my sister sent me this verse and I immediately knew this was THE one.  Just like when I met him back in 1987, I knew he was the ONE!!

Kirk wasn't much on romance.   He sure did try though and he succeeded most of the time.  I have two very precious Valentine letters that he wrote to me instead of buying me cards.  At the time I was like, where's the card. But now, I treasure those letters.  They are love letters that he wrote from his heart, you can't buy that in any store no matter how "fancy and expensive" the store is.  Those letters are priceless because his love for me is priceless.  Did we have problems and issues?  You betcha!!  Was our love and marriage perfect?  No way!!  No one's is nor is it suppose to be.  But at the core, we did love each other and our love expanded to include our beautiful daughter Emily. 

Emily and I take a Valentine balloon that she picks out to the cemetery every year.  We took one there yesterday and then I picked out some candy conversation hearts and put them on the grass.  I read that a lady does this for her husband so the candy will melt on the snow.  Even though we haven't had much snow, thank Goodness, I went ahead and put some of the hearts down on the grass.  Eventually we will get snow and the hearts will melt.  I picked out the appropriate ones and a couple of them said "soul mate".  His favorite candy for VDay was turtles so I would always buy him some that one of my best friends Kathy would make homemade.  He loved the turtles and would take them to his shop and not share. 

I know today can be a tough day for many of us.  But I encourage you to celebrate and remember the love you shared with your beloved husband or whomever you are missing today.  I also encourage you to read scripture from the ULTIMATE LOVE LETTER, the Bible.  Scripture is the love letter from God to us.  The New Testament tells us about the LOVER of our heart and soul, our Lord Jesus Christ.  Jesus came to show us mercy, love, and grace.  He is our ultimate role model of how to live our lives and how to love unconditionally.  Will you show someone today how much you love them through grace and patience?  Is there someone that you have been wanting to contact to say hi or to forgive them for an issue that isn't "an issue" anymore?  Even at our worse, Jesus still loves us!!  Do you reflect that to others?  This is a part of my life that I have been working on every day.  I know it's hard, but if Jesus came to show us how to live then I will try to reflect His love every day!!  It's easy to neglect and avoid, being positive and to love takes effort.  But isn't anything you have to work for tirelessly so worth that effort?  I think it is!!  Make the effort today and love someone unconditionally to celebrate Valentines Day!!  Just as Jesus loves ALL OF US unconditionally!!


This is dedicated to my Forever Valentine!!  No matter what lies ahead of me, no matter what God has planned for my life,  I will always thank God for every year, week, day, hour, second that Kirk was in my life.  He left me with my other Forever Valentine, Emily.  What a precious gift!!


"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you"

Comforter!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Happy February Everyone!!

We made it!!!  January 2015 is in the rearview mirror and I guess the groundhog is saying we have six weeks until spring.  I don't know about all of that, but one thing we do know is that at some point spring will come!!  I thank Jesus for spring and the warmer weather!! 

The last couple of weeks have been rough for me physically and emotionally.  I am normally a pretty healthy person.  I watch what I eat and try to avoid as many germs as I can.  Working in a doctors office makes it difficult some times but I do a pretty good job of dodging the latest virus or superbug.  I had just talked to a couple of my friends that Kirk was normally always the one that was sick first.  He would bring home a stomach virus or a cold and then Emily and I would follow by a couple of days of being sick.  We had been pretty lucky the last three years with just minor colds or allergy season snags but my luck ran out almost two weeks ago.  I'm not sure if it was a bug or if it was a flare up of my stomach issue, but I sure got sick and was in bed for a day and a half.  Now for those of you that know me well, that does not happen to me.  So as I laid in bed all day on a Sunday, Emily went with my parents to church and my sister took care of her and took her and my niece to a birthday party.  I was really bummed that I missed the party and was in bed all day.  The house was quiet and dark.  This was the first time since Kirk passed that I had been that sick.  I can tell you I sure did miss him checking on me and making sure I had what I needed.  He would always bounce back quick from his sickness, but it takes me a day or so longer only because I refuse to make my belly even more upset.  He would tell me to eat, and I would refuse and then whine because I was starving but I was afraid to anger it more!!  I had to call in to work that Monday but I still needed time to recoup and by Tuesday night I was back to myself. 

Then a week later, this past Tuesday, we lost our little guinea pig Chip.  I am very upset by his passing.  It sounds silly but Chip has a story.  Chip lived in Texas as a baby and he came to live with us right before Kirk passed.  Emily called me several times begging to bring Chip home, my niece was planning on bringing his brother Dale home with her.  So Kirk told her that if her Uncle Brian said yes to Dale then he would say yes to Chip.  After Kirk got off the phone with her he smirked and said, "There is no way Brian is going to say yes to Zoey to bring back that guinea pig."  Well to our surprise, Brian said yes so Kirk had to say yes to Emily.  The girls were elated and Kirk felt betrayed by Brian!! Hahaha...I was excited, I love guinea pigs.  I had one as a kid and I loved her.  So we adopted Chip and he came home the Friday night before Kirk suddenly passed.  Kirk got to see Chip right before he went to bed and he smirked and left Emily's room.  We were out buying Chip's new home and food the Saturday that Kirk's accident happened.  Chip was such a sweet pig, he would squeal and chatter at me.  I would sit and talk to him and cry and he would come to that side of the cage and "listen" to me.  I know it sounds crazy but he was a comfort to me.  He would let me love on him and he seemed like he understood.  So when he passed this Tuesday late afternoon I felt like I lost part of my family.  I felt like I lost part of that time period when my world fell apart and I just wanted relief and comfort.  My Chip was such a good listener and never judged.  Have you had a pet that helped you?  Maybe it's a dog or kitty.  We have two dogs that bring great comfort too, but I always told Chip he was my favorite. :)

Now let me tell you about my ultimate Comforter!!  I have a Savior that is always available for a conversation.  I will never have to worry about Him leaving me or passing away because Jesus is eternal, an everlasting God.  He is a Healer, who not only heals us physically but emotionally and spiritually.  In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV it says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  We all look for comfort from people, pets, and material possessions, it's only human that we do this.  But so many of us miss receiving comfort, healing and grace from our Lord Jesus Christ.  But here is more Good News, Jesus doesn't want you to miss out!!! He is waiting for you to call out to Him.  In Isaiah 46:4 NIV we are told, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Jesus wants you to call out to Him and he will carry you; comfort you; and heal you.  Isn't His grace incredible!!

Lord I pray for comfort and healing for all of us that are hurt and broken.  I pray for everyone that has not called out to you that they open up their hearts and accept You.  I don't want anyone to miss out on Your Grace!!!  Only you Lord can carry us and our heavy burdens.  Jesus Lord thank you for loving us!!

This is for my Chip!!