Legacy

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Hello All!!

Hope everyone is doing well and surviving this cold and snow!!  January was a breeze compared to what has been happening the last couple of weeks.  I sure hope my entry on Valentine's Day about my candy hearts didn't jinx us!  Sorry if it did!!!

Today marks three years and eight months since Kirk's passing.  I have been praying for everyone and for myself.  It's so hard to be on this journey of grief.  I know I sure wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!! 

I've been talking to a couple of my friends and thinking a lot about the legacies that we leave behind.  I feel that once your spouse dies, we are left behind to tend to their legacies.  And how we tend to their legacies also helps to define our legacies.  I feel like my life has been split into two acts.  My first act was my life up to when I met Kirk, our time dating and marrying, and then adding to our family with Emily.  Once Kirk went to his heavenly home, my first act ended and my second act began.  In my second act, I am left to tend to Kirk's legacy and determine the direction of mine.  In thinking about my direction, I feel like I have two choices.  They are as follows.

The first direction is to totally turn away from Jesus and try to do this grief journey on my own.  This would mean putting myself and my needs first, not thinking about anyone else or how they are mourning.  I can turn to other means to "numb" the pain.  This could mean alcohol, drugs, or finding my worth in another human; meaning a man.  This direction would seem, at the time, to be a shortcut to deal with the overbearing grief.  But think about this path.  Would it honor Jesus?  Would it honor your beloved husband?  Would he or Jesus give you the green light to live like this?  Would another man so soon in your life dull the pain of your husband not being the one to hug, kiss, or love you?  I have heard a couple of horror stories of widows falling off of their path and turning completely away from Jesus and start living a life that isn't pleasing to Him or to their husband.  Living it up like a "rock star" will not get you through your grief any faster. As a matter of fact, it's going to prolong your journey.

The second direction is to lean on Jesus and let Him control your journey.  Pray and talk to Him and tell Him about your pain and distress.  He is ALWAYS there for you.  God tells us in Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV, "The Lord himself goes before you; he will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." How encouraging is that for you today?  Even when you think you are alone, you are not.  I know it's so hard to face this journey head on, but the only way through this is to face it head on.  An author by the name of Robert Frost has a quote and I believe what he says.  He says, "The best way out is always through."  The legacy you can leave not only for yourself but to honor you husband is to rely on Jesus and let Him bear your pain and sorrow.  Remember that others watch how we conduct ourselves and how we handle situations.  With Jesus, He will give us strength to face each day no matter how hard it gets.  He will send people that will encourage us along our path.  If you are not getting this from your family and friends, you might want to think about giving yourself a gift and finding people who will help you.  I have a wonderful network of friends and family that look out for me and help me make some decisions that are hard to make.  When we lose a spouse, we also lose our closest confidant and co-decision maker of the house.  It's hard to make decisions for the family by ourselves.  No matter how big or small the problem or situation, take it to Jesus and then wait for Him to show you.  Now your answer might not come overnight, in a day, or maybe even a week or month, but it will come!!! 

One of my favorite verses and one I have used in the past and one that you will see time again is from the book of Jeremiah.  In Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Did you see what He tells us, A FUTURE!!!!  Surrendering yourself to Jesus and let Him control your future is the best direction you can choose.  I ask you that before you leap into your future to honestly sit back and think about how you want that future to look in ten or maybe fifteen years from now.  How will others see your legacy, but most important, how will Jesus see your legacy?  How will you honor your beloved husband in the decisions you will make?  I pray that you take the right direction and give it all to God!!!  He wants to help!!! Isaiah 58:9 says, "Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." 

Lord I ask that we continue to follow you and to make decisions that are pleasing to you.  I pray that the legacy that we leave not only pleases you but also honors our husbands.  Lord please open the hearts of those that need you and they see you as the ultimate healer and comforter!!  Thank you Lord for your continual healing of my heart and soul so that I can turn and help others that are starting their grief journey.  In Your name I pray Amen!!!

Valentine Remembrance

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you" Philippians 1:3 KJV

I love this Bible verse.  As I was designing the headstone for Kirk, my sister sent me this verse and I immediately knew this was THE one.  Just like when I met him back in 1987, I knew he was the ONE!!

Kirk wasn't much on romance.   He sure did try though and he succeeded most of the time.  I have two very precious Valentine letters that he wrote to me instead of buying me cards.  At the time I was like, where's the card. But now, I treasure those letters.  They are love letters that he wrote from his heart, you can't buy that in any store no matter how "fancy and expensive" the store is.  Those letters are priceless because his love for me is priceless.  Did we have problems and issues?  You betcha!!  Was our love and marriage perfect?  No way!!  No one's is nor is it suppose to be.  But at the core, we did love each other and our love expanded to include our beautiful daughter Emily. 

Emily and I take a Valentine balloon that she picks out to the cemetery every year.  We took one there yesterday and then I picked out some candy conversation hearts and put them on the grass.  I read that a lady does this for her husband so the candy will melt on the snow.  Even though we haven't had much snow, thank Goodness, I went ahead and put some of the hearts down on the grass.  Eventually we will get snow and the hearts will melt.  I picked out the appropriate ones and a couple of them said "soul mate".  His favorite candy for VDay was turtles so I would always buy him some that one of my best friends Kathy would make homemade.  He loved the turtles and would take them to his shop and not share. 

I know today can be a tough day for many of us.  But I encourage you to celebrate and remember the love you shared with your beloved husband or whomever you are missing today.  I also encourage you to read scripture from the ULTIMATE LOVE LETTER, the Bible.  Scripture is the love letter from God to us.  The New Testament tells us about the LOVER of our heart and soul, our Lord Jesus Christ.  Jesus came to show us mercy, love, and grace.  He is our ultimate role model of how to live our lives and how to love unconditionally.  Will you show someone today how much you love them through grace and patience?  Is there someone that you have been wanting to contact to say hi or to forgive them for an issue that isn't "an issue" anymore?  Even at our worse, Jesus still loves us!!  Do you reflect that to others?  This is a part of my life that I have been working on every day.  I know it's hard, but if Jesus came to show us how to live then I will try to reflect His love every day!!  It's easy to neglect and avoid, being positive and to love takes effort.  But isn't anything you have to work for tirelessly so worth that effort?  I think it is!!  Make the effort today and love someone unconditionally to celebrate Valentines Day!!  Just as Jesus loves ALL OF US unconditionally!!


This is dedicated to my Forever Valentine!!  No matter what lies ahead of me, no matter what God has planned for my life,  I will always thank God for every year, week, day, hour, second that Kirk was in my life.  He left me with my other Forever Valentine, Emily.  What a precious gift!!


"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you"

Comforter!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Happy February Everyone!!

We made it!!!  January 2015 is in the rearview mirror and I guess the groundhog is saying we have six weeks until spring.  I don't know about all of that, but one thing we do know is that at some point spring will come!!  I thank Jesus for spring and the warmer weather!! 

The last couple of weeks have been rough for me physically and emotionally.  I am normally a pretty healthy person.  I watch what I eat and try to avoid as many germs as I can.  Working in a doctors office makes it difficult some times but I do a pretty good job of dodging the latest virus or superbug.  I had just talked to a couple of my friends that Kirk was normally always the one that was sick first.  He would bring home a stomach virus or a cold and then Emily and I would follow by a couple of days of being sick.  We had been pretty lucky the last three years with just minor colds or allergy season snags but my luck ran out almost two weeks ago.  I'm not sure if it was a bug or if it was a flare up of my stomach issue, but I sure got sick and was in bed for a day and a half.  Now for those of you that know me well, that does not happen to me.  So as I laid in bed all day on a Sunday, Emily went with my parents to church and my sister took care of her and took her and my niece to a birthday party.  I was really bummed that I missed the party and was in bed all day.  The house was quiet and dark.  This was the first time since Kirk passed that I had been that sick.  I can tell you I sure did miss him checking on me and making sure I had what I needed.  He would always bounce back quick from his sickness, but it takes me a day or so longer only because I refuse to make my belly even more upset.  He would tell me to eat, and I would refuse and then whine because I was starving but I was afraid to anger it more!!  I had to call in to work that Monday but I still needed time to recoup and by Tuesday night I was back to myself. 

Then a week later, this past Tuesday, we lost our little guinea pig Chip.  I am very upset by his passing.  It sounds silly but Chip has a story.  Chip lived in Texas as a baby and he came to live with us right before Kirk passed.  Emily called me several times begging to bring Chip home, my niece was planning on bringing his brother Dale home with her.  So Kirk told her that if her Uncle Brian said yes to Dale then he would say yes to Chip.  After Kirk got off the phone with her he smirked and said, "There is no way Brian is going to say yes to Zoey to bring back that guinea pig."  Well to our surprise, Brian said yes so Kirk had to say yes to Emily.  The girls were elated and Kirk felt betrayed by Brian!! Hahaha...I was excited, I love guinea pigs.  I had one as a kid and I loved her.  So we adopted Chip and he came home the Friday night before Kirk suddenly passed.  Kirk got to see Chip right before he went to bed and he smirked and left Emily's room.  We were out buying Chip's new home and food the Saturday that Kirk's accident happened.  Chip was such a sweet pig, he would squeal and chatter at me.  I would sit and talk to him and cry and he would come to that side of the cage and "listen" to me.  I know it sounds crazy but he was a comfort to me.  He would let me love on him and he seemed like he understood.  So when he passed this Tuesday late afternoon I felt like I lost part of my family.  I felt like I lost part of that time period when my world fell apart and I just wanted relief and comfort.  My Chip was such a good listener and never judged.  Have you had a pet that helped you?  Maybe it's a dog or kitty.  We have two dogs that bring great comfort too, but I always told Chip he was my favorite. :)

Now let me tell you about my ultimate Comforter!!  I have a Savior that is always available for a conversation.  I will never have to worry about Him leaving me or passing away because Jesus is eternal, an everlasting God.  He is a Healer, who not only heals us physically but emotionally and spiritually.  In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV it says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  We all look for comfort from people, pets, and material possessions, it's only human that we do this.  But so many of us miss receiving comfort, healing and grace from our Lord Jesus Christ.  But here is more Good News, Jesus doesn't want you to miss out!!! He is waiting for you to call out to Him.  In Isaiah 46:4 NIV we are told, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Jesus wants you to call out to Him and he will carry you; comfort you; and heal you.  Isn't His grace incredible!!

Lord I pray for comfort and healing for all of us that are hurt and broken.  I pray for everyone that has not called out to you that they open up their hearts and accept You.  I don't want anyone to miss out on Your Grace!!!  Only you Lord can carry us and our heavy burdens.  Jesus Lord thank you for loving us!!

This is for my Chip!!

Light up January

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Hello everyone!!

I am sorry that I haven't written in awhile.  I can't believe we are already two weeks into the new year.  I would love to tell you that I have been so busy that I just haven't had time to write, but that would not be truthful.  I have been going through a funk and have had a little bit of writers block.  But I have been praying about what to write and praying for some rays of hope to fill my spirit so I can continue to help others.  One of the reasons why I picked Psalm 126:5-6 to have as my main verse is because of what it says, "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."  This verse has helped me to find hope in the times that I battle with my sorrow.

Another contributor of my mood is because of Indiana weather.  Since I was a teenager I can tell you that I have always naturally struggled during January.  I really never figured out if it is because December is so busy with friends and family and celebrations and then January everyone starts to hibernate because of the weather.  January in Indiana can be dark, gloomy, cold, snowy, and just plain depressing for me.  I have never been a winter person, I don't even remember going outside as a child and making snowmen or having snowball fights.  I love the sunshine and the warmth that washes over me.  The sun makes me happy and fills me with energy and happiness. 

I was dreading January of 2012.  It was the first winter and January after Kirk went home to heaven.  I won't lie to you, I was scared of that month.  I was afraid of what the weather would be, I was afraid of being trapped in my house due to snow, cold and ice.  And I was just plain afraid of depression that was going to sneak in on me because that January was different.  It was the FIRST January without Kirk.  I am happy to report that the weather here that winter was unseasonably warm.  The sun was out quite a bit and I think the snowfall for that winter was one of the lowest that we have on record.  God was so good to me.  He heard my prayers and knew my fears and blessed me with a mild January and winter.  At one of my lunch meetings with my church counselor she even committed on how God had blessed me with the winter weather.  Psalm 118:21 NIV says, "I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation."  I will tell you I definitely gave God all the thanks and glory for helping me through that first winter.  And Psalm 118:28-29 reminds me, "You are my God, and I will praise you; you are my God, and I will exalt you.  Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."  His love does endure forever and when I get at my lowest I have this promise that He hears me, answers me, and LOVES me unconditionally.  I can take my pain, heartbreak, and loneliness to Him. 

I was reading a daily devotional that I have emailed to me and it talked about how Jesus will replace our actual sun in our new heaven.  I remembered reading in Revelation how God will be our light.  Revelation 21:23-24 NIV states, "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is it's lamp.  The nations will walk by it's light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it".  Can you imagine that?  The new heaven won't need the sun because God himself will be the light.  We will be able to bask in His Glory, in His Light for eternity.  No more depression because there is a lack of light, we will have light from God.  In my NIV Life Application Study Bible 2005 pg. 2373 it tells us, "God will be the light in new Jerusalem. Light represents what is good, pure, true, holy and reliable."  Wow no wonder I crave the sunshine and light.  Light brings us closer to God and His Holiness. 

One of the promises He gives us in Revelation is one that truly speaks to any of us that are grieving, not just widows.  Revelation 21:4 NIV states, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  I am looking forward to that day when there will not be any tears, pain or sorrow.  We will be basking in the light of our God who loves me and you.  He loves you even when you feel no one does.  Trust this promise!!! 

Lord thank you for the promises that you tell us throughout the Bible.  I love reading your word, your love letter to all of your children.  Lord I pray for comfort and healing for everyone that needs it in this broken world.  There is so much sorrow, pain and depression in this world.  Lord you know my struggles and I just pray for your comfort, light and warmth to wash over me every day.  In Your Precious Name I pray, AMEN!!

Holiday Edition

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

Happy New Year to all of you!!  I am so sorry that I haven't written in a bit.  Christmas had us very busy with gatherings, work, shopping, and sleep. I think everyone has had the same crunch of time; just a busy time of year.  So a late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!!  I hope 2015 brings you healing, hope, and a crisp new start in this stage of your life. 

Christmas Eve as I was cleaning my home for that night's festivities, I was thinking how everyone says how Christmas is for children.  That saying is true, oh how I remember how excited I would get for Christmas Eve and morning. That magical feeling that only Christmas could bring.  As I was thinking about that, I got to thinking about my daughter Emily and how she must feel now that Kirk, her dad is gone.  I wonder if she still gets that magical feeling for Christmas or if it eludes her now too.  Don't get me wrong, I do talk to her about Kirk and how she feels about everything and she tells me she is fine and that everything is okay.  But how can it be okay?  She is a very strong young lady but sometimes I feel she is too strong.  She doesn't show emotion a lot and I feel she wants to put on a brave face for me and everyone else in the family, but the void that Kirk left is unavoidable.  Christmas morning is when I feel it the most.  He's not here to have the tv going with the yule log and the Christmas music playing.  He's not here to play Santa and to hand out gifts and then make his awesome pancakes.  That is an earthly void that is hard to bear.  How can I fill that kind of void?  How can I continue to be her mother and be a worthy one for her when I am also playing the role of her father.  I remember verses that my counselor talked to me about regarding this situation.  Psalm 68:4-5 NIV says, "Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him - his name is the Lord.  A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."  This verse gives hope to the disadvantage such as widows and the fatherless because only through God can we find hope.  I know that I don't have to do this alone, God tells me in this verse that He is with me every step of the way.  God is always there for us, but when earthly fathers leave their children, God IS and WILL be there to help widows father their children.  I pray all the time that He will help me and show me the way to fill that void.  So far, God has answered my cries for help!!

God favors widows and the fatherless.  There are many verses in the Bible that shows us how He is on our side and He promises us that He will be there.  In Psalm 146:9 NIV it states, "The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but He frustrates the ways of the wicked."  Never feel like you are alone on this journey.  God is there right beside us, holding our hands and leading us when we allow Him to lead.  God gives us a gift and it's called free will.  Our God doesn't force himself on us, He waits for us to call out to Him.  I call out to him in my prayers to help me raise Emily the best that I humanly can.  I am human, I will make mistakes but with God's promises and help I have hope that Emily and I will come out of this journey intact and totally in love with God and His Word.

My prayer for all of you tonight is that you have accepted Jesus into your heart and asked for His forgiveness.  I pray that you call out to Him and ask for help in raising your children if you have young children at home.  I pray that you ask God to show you the way to comfort your children no matter what their age may be. God will heal you and restore you and your family.  God sent His Son Jesus to reconcile us back to Him.  I lift each one of you and your children up in prayer!!!  You are never alone!!

God Bless each one of you and may 2015 be a year of new beginnings, new healing, and a new relationship with God, the Great I Am!!!

Sisterhood of Widows S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.

But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation:  Psalm 13:5 NIV

I had the privilege back in November to attend a Christian widow's conference given by a ministry named A Widow's Might.  I got to meet so many strong and amazing women that are on the same journey as me.  The team of writers for this ministry are incredible and they love Jesus.  I fell in love with their writing and this group of women "get it".  If you have not checked out their website and Facebook page, please do so as soon as possible.  Their postings will really speak to your heart and soul.  Their love for Jesus and for other widows is amazing.

I decided to go to this conference because I wanted to meet other Christian widows and to prove to myself that I can step out of my comfort zone to travel and stay by myself for a weekend.  I signed up for this conference back in June and had to wait until November to leave, so as you can see I had a lot of time to think about my trip.  I love to travel but once the date arrives, I start to get nervous.  On the Friday morning of my departure, I did get nervous.  My dad drove me to the airport and dropped me off at my airline.  I got through check in and decided to treat myself to an ice tea.  As I sat there enjoying my drink, I started thinking of ways to bolt out of there and go back home.  I took a couple of deep breaths and said a couple of prayers and was able to calm myself down.  I started thinking how much trust we put into others in our lives.  That weekend I had to trust:

The airline to get me to Point A to Point B safely.

My parents and family to take care of my beautiful daughter Emily.

Sixty to seventy women that I had never met.

Myself to take full advantage of what this weekend had to offer.

Jesus to open my heart and mind and let His Word speak to me in new ways.

I also had to trust that Jesus was sending me out there for a purpose far bigger than myself.  So I got up from that table and made my way through security.  I finally arrived at my gate and found a place to sit down.  The waiting area was getting full and seats were filling up. I noticed a couple walking up and looking for a seat.  Since I had space to move down, I waved them over and told them they could sit by me.  They both thanked me and the wife sat down next to me.  Her husband put his luggage on his chair and walked away for a few minutes.  The wife had her body positioned away from me, but she turned her head enough to talk to me and she asked me if I was going anywhere fun.  For a couple of seconds I sat and thought to myself, "Do I tell her I am going to a conference or to a widow's conference".  Do I tell her the truth and bring the start of their trip down or do I use this moment for God's purpose. So I begin to tell her that I am going to a Christian widow's conference and that it's our first big conference and how excited I was about attending but not so excited about leaving home.  She whipped around and looked at me and said, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe this."  She began to tell me that her husband had just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and his prognosis wasn't very good.  She was surprising her him with a trip to Washington D.C. to tour museums and to visit with family and friends.  She told me that hadn't told very many people about his condition.  She started asking me questions about the ministry and other resources that are out there for widows.  As we sat and talked, my heart filled with despair for her because I know the journey she will be making.  I was also thanking God for setting up a meeting that we both needed.  She needed to know that there are Christian resources for widows, and I needed to know that I am doing what God wants me to do.  As they got up to board the airplane, I bent toward her and told her that I would be praying for them and that I would not forget them.  She thanked me as her eyes swelled with tears and told me she might see me on Facebook or on the website for A Widows Might.  I was blown away by this encounter.

I knew once they walked away I was following God's call by going to the conference.  My TRUST in God and His timing was confirmed at that moment.  As I sat on the plane and we were taking off, I gave my total trust to Him.  In Romans 15:13 NIV it states, "May the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit".  That trust in Him does fill you with peace.  The rest of my trip I didn't worry about anything there or back at home.  Giving everything to God freed me up to worship Him without distractions.  I was able to meet so many wonderful women and to fellowship for two days.  And did I mention we were right on the beach and my balcony faced a beautiful pier.  I was able to open my sliding glass door and let the sound of the ocean fill my room.  I walked away from that weekend with a refreshed mind and soul.  I'll tell you the truth, I didn't want to leave.  I left behind so many new sisters and a couple of very special new friends.  I have found a special group of women that "get it" and I miss them very much.

Have you put your trust into the Lord?  I trust that He will deliver me without fail.  I trust that He has a plan for my life that is bigger than I could have ever imagined.  I trust that He will fill my life with hope, joy, peace, and love.  I trust that He will bless me and my daughter beyond what we deserve.  If I don't trust Him completely, then I feel like I don't have any hope for the future that I envision.  I pray that each of you reading this will put your total trust in God and tell Him,  Lord Your will, Your way!! 

Lord I pray that each day I am willing and able to put my total trust in you and your plan for my life.  Thank you for putting the right people in my life at the right time and I pray that they put their trust in you also.  The freedom of surrendering my life to you is immeasurable.  I know Lord that you will not steer me wrong and that the only path to follow is the path you have laid out before me.  Lord thank you for my salvation and I pray that my family and friends that have not put their faith and trust in you will do so very soon, maybe tonight!!!  In Jesus precious name I pray, Amen!!

Self Pity Pit

Sisterhood Of Widows  S.O.W.  Psalm 126:5-6  Please share on your Facebook so that others can see my blogs and maybe help them through their grief.


Good Monday evening!!

It's a start of a new week.  We made it through a busy weekend and now Monday evening is winding down.  How was your weekend?  I am praying that it was a relaxing one and that you were all able to enjoy time with family and friends and maybe enjoy some Christmas activities.  I know this time of year is difficult.  I have a thirteen year old daughter that loves Christmas so I try to keep our traditions going plus we have added a couple of new ones since Kirk has passed.  I know all too well how difficult it is to press on. 

I think one of the most difficult times for me is when I am out shopping by myself.  Kirk and I would take an evening or maybe two and eat dinner out and then do some shopping for Emily.  I treasure these memories because we would have a good time and he always came up with great gift ideas for her.  One of the stores we would always go to was Barnes and Noble.  Emily is an intelligent girl and she loves books.  Kirk would walk into Barnes and Noble and was able to pick out books for her and every year she loved them.  She treasures those books now.  Kirk's main focus for her was her schooling.  He always told her she would go to college and have a great career at whatever she chooses to do with her life.  So as she treasures her books, I treasure my memories of our shopping trips.  Now that Kirk is gone to his Heavenly home, I am left to shop by myself. 

I have caught myself envying couples that I see out shopping together.  I find myself longing to have that again.  And after a while, self pity starts to creep into my mind.  I start to pity myself for being alone and for having to be out by myself when I didn't choose this new path.  Self pity is human nature and we all do it from time to time.  I can tell you that self pity is straight from our enemy.  He wants us to feel that pity down to our core so we will then start to doubt our faith and trust in Jesus.  One of the daily devotionals that I read is from Sarah Young and she wrote a book called "Jesus Calling".  If you have not purchased this devotional, I encourage you to do so.  On self pity she writes, "Be on guard against the pit of self-pity.  When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face."  I believe that statement.  That pit has a slippery edge and when you get to close, you WILL lose footing and tumble in head first.  Once you are in there, it's hard to climb out.  When you find yourself in that pit, you must cry out to the Lord for help.  He will deliver you from that dark, evil trap.

In Psalm 40:1-3 NIV, we find David praising God for his deliverance from his pit of despair.  It reads, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."  God will do for you as he did for David.  When you find yourself in that pit, don't let it devour you.  Don't let the enemy enjoy seeing you down there in the mud and mire, doubting God and His plans for you.  In Jeremiah 29:11 NIV it says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  If you memorize any Bible verse, memorize this one!!!  This is God's promise to all of us, even those of us in that pit.  Just cry out to God, ask him to rescue you from that pit and I promise you He will hear you and He will deliver you and make you new!! 

Lord, please hear our cries when we are down in our self-pity pits.  I pray that when we are down there, we find the strength and courage to call out to you.  Lord I know You are ALWAYS with us and You love us!! I know we were not created to live a life down in the dark hole in the mud and mire.  We were created to fellowship with You and live in Your light and love.  Lord thank you for hearing us and saving us from the enemy.  Thank you for our Savior Jesus Christ and for loving us when we are not lovable!! In Jesus's precious name I pray Amen!!